


Afterlight

by AbsoluteZXING



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bottom Kim Jongin | Kai, Byun Baekhyun & Do Kyungsoo | D.O Friendship, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Major Illness, Top Do Kyungsoo | D.O
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-09 18:05:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12281730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsoluteZXING/pseuds/AbsoluteZXING
Summary: Kyungsoo is an idol, a famous child actor who's now living his life far from the fame. Jongin, well Jongin is different he's too happy and he loves Do Kyungsoo.





	1. PROLOGUE

It would be beautiful they said.

Love is ~~beautiful~~.

 

 

He woke up bearing the headache he gained from drinking too much last night. It was one of those things he never thought of doing but then, thinking about it now made him so blissful. He rubbed his eyes gently before opening them, taking in the newly painted walls that he designed, looking at the bright stars that kept him smiling the whole night.

Turning to the side, his smile widened as he saw the glass of water on the table and two tablets of advil right beside it. He sat up straight, leaning his back on the headboard while plucking the paper under the glass of water.

_**“I’ll see you again. -Nini”** _

His heart swelled and now instead of reaching for the advil, he’s reaching for another bottle. This isn’t right. He shouldn’t be this happy. He can’t be this happy. He needs to stop.

 

 

Nini, he chewed on that nickname for a long time, no one gave him a nickname before. No one, but him and it was too adorable for him. He’s now watching how the small man, go to his usual coffee shop while nursing a hangover. His mind wanders to last night, when he poured his heart to someone who didn’t know that he existed before they met that one chilly night in February.

He took the bottle of pills and swallowed two before taking a huge gulp of water. If only everyday can be as bright as this day, he would keep on pushing forward. They said it would be fun but they have given up on him before he even started. For them, he’s just a lost cause, maybe not as lost as others but it’s close enough to be thrown away by his parents, get spoiled with money and let him live his life on his own. Maybe he can finish that choreography he’s been trying to finish all his life or maybe he can just live, because he’s been doing the opposite his whole life.


	2. EXCESSIVE

Kyungsoo believed that he wouldn’t make it to twenty five, unless he’s being safe and all. Although, that's what he’s good at, holding back, being proper and letting the world decide for his good. He’s 21 years old and has a weak heart. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t have this weak heart before... Let's say that it just suddenly decided to give up from all the strain.

Since he was young, he worked really hard until when he reached his 21st birthday, the birthday that changed a lot. His heart had a problem ever since he was young but it wasn’t a condition that worried the doctors, he was given medicine and they told Kyungsoo what to do. With the help of his parents, he never strayed and in return, they let him do what he loves, which is to perform.

Now, Kyungsoo is sitting on his couch that he had pushed towards the floor to ceiling length window two days after he moved in. It’s his favorite place especially when it’s 7 pm.

 

He’s living at a loft, huge enough for three people or a small family. He moved out of his overpriced Gangnam apartment and bought a loft that honestly looked like a warehouse when he first saw it. He didn’t care, he only wanted the peace and quiet for the remainder of his time and this location fits the only criteria.

It took him five whole days to finish decorating the flat, he loved the cold granite floors and the cold stone walls that went with it, his kitchen had brick walls that came in with the place that goes through until the living room where there are three, floor to ceiling length windows.

His parents said that it was too much, the place was too much and that everything he did was excessive. He’s wasting his money but to his defense, it’s his money anyway. He worked hard for it and now he’s just spending it as he likes. He knows that he's helped his family enough that it's just right to finally spend his money for his own.

 

Two floors and an elevator only for him, of course he was willing to spend his money on that. He had a huge kitchen a huge living room and the second floor was basically turned into his whole bedroom, no limits, no walls, just his large bed, the couches, a grand piano and a make-shift studio when he wants to record songs.

His cream colored couch wasn’t here the first day but when he found out that the building across his was somehow a dance studio, he pushed the couch himself to see the kids dancing and of course to see that man who dances every 7 pm until 12 midnight. The whole second floor had floor to ceiling windows, he had to buy curtains for it but he always kept the last window’s curtain pulled back.

Kyungsoo thinks that this habit of his can already be considered as stalking but what is stalking when you don’t have any idea who the person is? That’s the excuse he gave to Baekhyun, his best friend, every time he points out the weird hobby of his.

 

The only excuse he can give out was _‘I’m dying, leave me alone. I want to do what I want’_ but then again, he’s not doing anything. He stays at home most of the time, sing his heart out, watch dramas, movies and when he feels like it, he goes out with Baekhyun.

It’s not even 7 pm and yet he’s here sitting and waiting as he usually does. His parents gave up on him, letting him do as he wanted because he stubbornly pointed out that it’s his life and he will die anyway.

No, Kyungsoo’s not dying. He’s just waiting.

Waiting for death to come knocking on his door and finally opening it, he lived a wonderful life or maybe a tiresome one. He started acting when he was young, singing as he went on and became and idol until he had to step back from the spotlight and that led him here. His dreams, forgotten and shattered.

Instead of wallowing in misery like he usually does, he pulls out his notebook that he keeps on the side table that he conveniently placed next to his couch. He taps his fingers on the arm of the chair before clicking the head of his pen and started writing.

 

 

**_~~Bucket List~~ _ **

**_~~Kyungie’s to do list~~ _ **

**_Kyungsoo’s Cause_ **

He paused for a while, smiling at what he wrote. For every cause, there’s an effect and he’ll make sure to write every effect and make a scrapbook out of it since he has all the time in the world.

He started writing his list, not even writing the numbers since he didn’t want to be forced to do them in order. Spontaneity is his goal this time, since he’s ready to go any time anyway.

  * _Find out the name of the dancing man_
  * _Get coffee every day, try out the different flavors_
  * _Call Baekhyun more often (only to stop his loud mouth from yelling)_
  * _Learn how to paint_
  * _Get drunk and a tattoo (Don’t get a tattoo sober)_
  * _Have sex_
  * _Have meaningful sex_
  * _Have sex with person who I love_
  * _Fall in love_
  * _Find the light in the dark_
  * _Throw caution away_
  * _Get three churro trucks and sing for fans, live and free_
  * _Apologize to parents_
  * _Have kids (Cross every finger and toe)_
  * _Breathe again_
  * _Have a strong heart_
  * _Lie to someone_
  * _Dance my heart out_
  * _Go to the beach_
  * _Be someone’s strength_
  * _Make someone happy_
  * _Make a mark_



 

Kyungsoo looked at his list again and found it too long. But 22 is the perfect number since he doesn’t know if he can last until next year for his 22nd birthday.  He hurriedly scribbled something on the bottom part of the list.

_Control your heart, Kyungsoo. Finish this list._

 

He decided that he would start tomorrow, not because he’s busy but because the light switch to the dance studio turned on and like every day, for the past few weeks, the tall man saunters in dressed in a black wife beater, sweatpants and the black cap that hides his face. Kyungsoo thinks that man is worried about his looks but judging from his beautiful form, he doubts that the man is nothing but wonderful.

Kyungsoo can’t hear the sounds of course, the building is across the street and surely soundproofed but that didn’t stop him from watching. Instead, he uses his songs, he picks the right songs for the dancer's movements and watch him dance to his voice. He always found it beautiful and soothing.

The dancer is beautiful, graceful and breathtaking. His movements are precise and perfect. He wanted to be like that, he wants to dance his heart out without worrying about his poor heart.

He watched the dancer fall into his pattern of stretching and that’s when he noticed that the dancer was limping. He didn’t fall last night, Kyungsoo remembers his routine last night. He never dances the same one, always a different mixture of steps as if he’s trying to fit puzzle pieces every night.

Last night’s routine was the best for him so far, it fitted perfectly with his song, Lady Luck. He didn’t expect it to be interpreted like that but last night made him so happy that he went to sleep with a wide smile on his face.

 

Kyungsoo decided to stand up and go to his pantry next to his make-shift studio. He really went all out because Baekhyun hated it when he said he had stairs. Baekhyun almost screamed on his ear reminding him not to walk up and down the stairs too much because of his heart.

He regretted telling Baekhyun about his condition but he didn’t want him to be the last one to know when the rumor already spread out. Baekhyun made it his mission to get a large fridge, a cabinets and drawers to serve as a pantry for Kyungsoo so that he doesn’t have to go down all the time.

 

When Kyungsoo returned to his spot, holding a bottle of water he was more than surprised to see the dancer, standing in his full height right at the window, staring right back at him. Kyungsoo froze and the bottle fell out of his hands. His heart started pounding hard and he tries to remember if his window is as clear as glass or was it opaque? Or double sided? Anything at all to stop him from thinking about the fact that the man probably knows that he was being watched.

Kyungsoo willed himself to take deep breaths, he braced his hands on the window in front of him, his body bent and his breathing stabilizing. _“Kyungsoo, calm down. He doesn’t know. Just close the curtains and be done with it”_ he mutters softly

When he glanced up, the man was gone. He sighed in relief but it saddened him that the man disappeared from the dance studio even though the lights were still on.

A half scream came out from him when the sound of the buzzer echoed his place after a few minutes. Screw Baekhyun. There’s a freaking reason that he gave him a key and that was because he didn’t want to hear the buzzer that might kill him.

He grunted, picking up the bottle from the floor before he went downstairs. The trip downstairs wasn’t tiring. In fact, his heart is still strong, it’s just everyone worries too much about him.

 

Without looking at the intercom, he released the chains and opened the locks that Baekhyun forced him to install with the high tech security system. After all the locks, he opened the door in frustration. _“Baek, I told you I’m f—“_

He stopped midway because as soon as he looked up, he saw a man wearing a black cap, a hoodie and slippers? _“I’m sorry, who are you?”_   Kyungsoo asks with a firm tone and confusion that he bit back to act as if he was tough.

It’s probably a stalker fan and he’s scared that he doesn’t have a security team to handle this. This man is taller than him and his build was certainly a bit lean but muscular. 

The man sighed and he took off his cap then he tilted his head to the side. _“I’m sorry, I’m Kim Jongin. I rushed here because you didn’t look alright?”_ the man says, introducing himself. His melodic voice, radiated towards Kyungsoo, sending waves of pleasure down his spine.

Kyungsoo marveled at the deep voice of the man standing in front of him, his skin was poorly lit by the faint light of the streetlamps.

_“What?”_ Kyungsoo asks in confusion

 

Jongin rubbed his nape and looked at Kyungsoo again, this time he gave a small smile. _“Ah. The dance studio across the street, my friend owns it and I live at the apartment next to it. I’m the one who was there just minutes ago”_ he says softly

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and he knows that it wasn’t a sight to see so he looked away at once. _“Uh-I-I’m okay”_ he mutters in response

_“Okay. Glad to know that. Sorry for surprising you and if I intruded”_ Jongin answers before giving a curt nod and turning away to return to where he came from. His shoulders were hung low and he looked disappointed from the back.

_“J-Jongin”_ Kyungsoo blurts out quite softly, praying that the man heard him

Jongin turned around and hummed in response, right then Kyungsoo knew he was right, this man was beautiful, his skin was bronze and it’s as if he’s sparkling under the poor night light.

_“You dance really well and I’m sorry if I disturbed you tonight”_ Kyungsoo manages to get out before he finally realizes that his heart was starting to beat faster than normal.

Jongin’s bright smile didn’t help his condition at all _“It’s no problem. I’m glad someone watches over me. If you want you can join me in the practice room. I know your couch is comfortable but a nice change wouldn’t hurt, right?”_ he offers with hopeful eyes

Kyungsoo thought of every reason to say no but all he came up with was _“Maybe next time”_ Kyungsoo manages to say calmly even though his heart was starting to beat wildly

Jongin’s smile faltered but he pulled on it, blinding Kyungsoo with a wide bright smile. _“I’ll hold you onto that. I have a new routine tonight”_ he beams, proudly at that

_“But your leg”_ Kyungsoo points out

Jongin looked confused and Kyungsoo wanted to smack the back of his head for being nosy. _“Ah. I tripped on air earlier, I’m clumsy as hell”_ Jongin says, his cheeks lightly blushed as he looked away.

_“I hope you get better. You can miss a day of dancing you know”_ Kyungsoo points out softly

Jongin looked at him, straight on the eyes and his gaze was too serious. _“I can’t. I’m on a strict timeline”_ he answers quietly

_“Oh, sorry for prying”_ Kyungsoo says and he lowers his head, his hand was still fiddling on the doorknob and he wonders if Jongin thinks about him as a rude person since he still hasn’t invited him inside. 

_“You’re not but I’ll rest for tonight so that you can rest too”_ Jongin suddenly says

Kyungsoo felt his cheeks heat up as he looked up. Jongin’s eyes were locked into his and the taller smiled again. _“Okay”_ Kyungsoo answers softly

_“Goodnight, Kyungsoo~ssi”_ Jongin says with a curt nod and turned away to walk back.

As Kyungsoo closed the door, he’s trying to remember if he somehow let his name slip. He doesn’t remember telling Jongin his name. Maybe he’s a fan? Maybe he just listens to the news, it was a huge shock to the world when he collapsed on stage and now taking a leave for health reasons so he's sure that people would notice him.

 

 

The next day came with the blinding glare from the sun. Kyungsoo fell asleep on his couch and now he’s thanking Baekhyun for picking a comfortable couch. He rubbed his small fists on his eyes before finally stretching out.

Coffee, that’s what he’s going to do today and maybe buy some art supplies on the way back. He washed up and prepared before taking his laptop and charger, putting them in his bag and taking his phone and keys with him.

He messaged Baekhyun that he’s heading out but the latter didn’t reply. He’s probably busy, being an idol and all. Baekhyun, Chen, Kyungsoo, Sehun and Chanyeol are part of an idol group that turned into a four men group since Kyungsoo is taking a step away from the spotlight.

Kyungsoo smiled at the fact that he didn’t have to go and cover his face with a mask to conceal his face. His cap sufficed for it and because he’s sure people here are too busy with a lot of things that look at the idol he once was.

 

He walked to the café that’s near his place, he has been here a few times and those few times were because of Byun Baekhyun. _“Kyungsoo~ssi, good morning”_

Kyungsoo lifted his cap and smiled at the man behind the counter, he was no more than 3 years older than him, he’s tall, he has this charismatic face and a warm smile to match. He said he tired auditioning once to be an idol but stopped when he saw his ex-girlfriend there.

_“Good morning, Minho hyung”_ Kyungsoo greets back and bows after

There aren’t a lot of people here during the morning and Minho hyung knows about his condition mainly because Baekhyun shouted at him that one morning when he said he was about to go to the gym.

_“The usual? Where’s Baekhyun~ssi?”_ he asks with a warm smile

Kyungsoo sets down his bag on his usual place before heading to the counter with his wallet and phone. _“Doing the usual idol stuff. I want a new one today, mocha?”_ he asks, squinting at the large boards above them.

Minho chuckled softly, mumbling about how Kyungsoo forgot his glasses again. _“That’s a good choice. I’ll serve it, do you want some pastries?”_ he asks softly pointing at the selection near them.

_“Yes please”_ Kyungsoo answers quietly, pointing at a couple of pastries to be heated.

 

Minho’s gaze quietly followed Kyungsoo who’s returning to his seat after paying. He had a soft spot for the young boy, mainly because he grew up with him, he watched every show where Kyungsoo was and he supported him in his career.

He was surprised when he found out that he moved here in their quiet neighborhood and that he lives alone. Kyungsoo was constantly getting pulled by his member, Baekhyun to go to this café and just chill. Minho thinks it’s a nice change that he does that after the news came out where Kyungsoo collapsed and was confined into a hospital, his agency released a statement that his comeback with the group isn’t set and that they’re letting Kyungsoo rest.

Minho heard a different story when Baekhyun was here one day with Kyungsoo and he snapped when the younger didn’t renew his contract and quietly took a step back to let his members shine under the spotlight that should’ve shone upon him too.

_“Oh, he’s here. Let me make his coffee”_ Taemin came out of the staff room and smiled when he saw Kyungsoo, waving at the latter who smiled back at him.

Minho turned slightly and shook his head. _“He wants mocha latte today, Taemin~ah”_ he says as he heated the pastries for Kyungsoo

_“Jongin would be happy to hear that”_ Taemin beams, taking the cup from him.

Minho shook his head at the beautiful man standing next to him. _“Jongin is such a stalker. You and your friend are crazy”_ he said quietly

_“You love me”_ Taemin points out as he proceeded on making the mocha latte for Kyungsoo

_“Just because you’re my boss”_ Minho shots back half-heartedly, teasing his boyfriend.

Kyungsoo blinked a few times, removing his glasses when a certain tanned-male stepped inside the café. He stood there at the entrance, raking his gaze around the café before it settled on him. The man, gave him the brightest smile and a wave to match.

He couldn’t help but smile a little and wave back. _“Jongin~ah! Usual?”_   Taemin calls out as soon as he sees the man.

Jongin’s gaze moves to the counter and he finally walked towards the front. _“What else Taemin? You know I don’t drink, coffee”_ he answered flatly

_“You should. You need some change”_ Taemin answers lightly

Kyungsoo could hear Jongin scoff and he was curious to see how the boy looks when he’s doing so. He closed the recording software on his laptop and pulled up the list that he wrote last night and transferred into his laptop’s notepad.

_“Can I sit with you?”_  

_“Oh, yes. Please”_ Kyungsoo answers in a hurry, surprised by the sudden appearance of Jongin.

Jongin chuckled and took the seat across his, placing his phone, wallet and keys on the top of the table. He eyes the plate of pastries that Kyungsoo hasn’t even touched. _“Are you waiting for someone?”_

_“No. I just ordered too much, help yourself”_ Kyungsoo says, pushing the tray lightly to Jongin’s side

Jongin gaped at him and shook his head, his cheeks were flushed and it brought a nice color to his beautiful skin. _“O-Oh. No. that’s not what I meant”_ he mutters

_“Jongin~ssi, go on. I can’t eat all of that, they just looked so delicious that I had to buy them”_ Kyungsoo offered again, before taking one of the pastries and motioning at Jongin to do the same.

_“Taemin would be happy to hear that”_ Jongin muttered as he poked the spare fork on one of the croissants.

_“You’re friends with him?”_ Kyungsoo asks in curiosity

Jongin’s eyes lit up and he nodded like a little kid. _“Yes, my best friend. He’s the one teaching the young kids that dance at the studio during the afternoon”_ he beamed brightly and that made Kyungsoo smile at him fondly.

_“Oh. Do you teach too?”_ he asks to hide the heat that’s creeping up on his cheeks

_“Ah. No. I can’t handle the stress of kids”_ Jongin pouts and Kyungsoo thinks he’s cute for doing so.

Kyungsoo nodded at him and he was thinking on how to make this more comfortable than awakward. _“My foot’s feeling a bit better”_ Jongin suddenly brings up.

_“I’m glad”_ Kyungsoo smiles again

 

Baekhyun would be proud of him since he has been smiling a lot and this time he’s smiling sincerely. Kyungsoo’s just worried that Jongin knows about his condition too and that he’s just pitying him.

_“Kyungsoo~ssi”_ Jongin calls out

_“Yes?”_ Kyungsoo answers as he placed his pastry down on the plate.

Jongin smiled warmly at him, he took his order from Taemin before he started pushing the latter away to continue his words.

_“_ _It’s okay”_ he says as soon as Taemin was out of earshot

_“What?”_  Kyungsoo asks in confusion

Jongin took a deep breath and placed down his drink that faintly smelled like dark chocolate and mint. _“It’s okay. I don’t care about whatever it is that you’re worried about. I just admire that you always find time to watch my sloppy routines. I wanted to be friends with you but I was worried you’d look at me as a fan. I am a fan but I’m not the crazy fan. I was surprised when you moved here and—“_

Jongin’s words halt because Kyungsoo was staring at him. Kyungsoo was staring because he admired the voice of the man in front of him and also the way he runs his long fingers through his platinum locks. 

_“You’re blurting out words too fast”_ Kyungsoo points out, chuckling softly at the man in front of him

Jongin bit his lower lip and he looked at Kyungsoo. _“I’m nervous”_ he admitted

_“I’m glad, I am too”_ Kyungsoo answered as he ticked the box on his to do list. **_Find out the name of the dancing man_**

 

Kyungsoo found a few things, no, a lot of things about Jongin. He spends his days going to the café and every morning, Jongin would appear and just talks to him. It’s a new addition to his daily life. Jongin is a dancer, he studied ballet and jazz when he was young, he had a bright future ahead of him but he decided to pull away from all of it and live a normal life.

Honestly, Kyungsoo can't understand why Jongin did it but all that he could say was that Jongin didn’t regret his decision, it was evident that the latter is happy with what he has now. He was fine performing on his own and he works part time at the art supply store by the corner of the street. That’s how Kyungsoo ticked another box from his list. He joined the painting classes in that art studio next to the art supplies shop.

_“We should get something to eat”_ Jongin suddenly suggested

They’ve been at it for two weeks, Kyungsoo going here during the morning and Jongin appearing before his shift at the art store. Kyungsoo has never tried making friends except for his members that turned into his family already. 

_“What?”_   Kyungsoo asks in confusion, before tearing his gaze away from his useless list that wasn’t moving forward.

Jongin bit his lower lip and rubbed his nape, a familiar gesture that Kyungsoo noticed more than once whenever Jongin is nervous. _“Like hang out. We’re always at the café, Taemin’s getting mad at me for showing my face too often but this is the only place where I see you aside from the nights you watch me and I still don’t get to see you during those times”_ Jongin pointed out and pouted

It surprised Kyungsoo how straight forward Jongin was but he didn’t expect less from the latter since he looks like a man who’d voice out his feelings out loud. Something Kyungsoo can’t do.

_“How about we have a movie night? My house? Is it okay? I’ll have popcorns and chips ready”_ he suggested lightly

Jongin beams at him and nods furiously _“Great! I’ll get Chinese on my way back. Text me what you want”_ Jongin offers

_“I don’t have your number”_ Kyungsoo pouts before shoving his phone at the younger.

Jongin chuckled and his eyes wide in amusement. _“You look cute, hyung”_ he says lightly before putting in his number

Kyungsoo learned that Jongin is younger than him by a year and that their birthdays are close to each other. Jongin beamed at him that time, suggesting that they should celebrate together, the idea felt painful on Kyungsoo’s heart but he smiled anyway and agreed with the younger.

_“Finally getting that date, Jongin~ah?”_ Taemin shouts from behind the counter, not bothered by the customers inside his cafe. 

Jongin’s cheeks went red and his eyes widened at Kyungsoo before he shot a glare at Taemin. _“I hate you, I don’t like you. Go back to working before I put you inside your oven!”_ he shouts back

Kyungsoo burst into a fit of giggles which surprised both Taemin and Jongin. Kyungsoo had the most beautiful heart shaped smile and his eyes smile too when he laughs. It’s a sight, Jongin wants to see more. _“Don’t tease me, hyung”_

_“You could’ve just asked me on a date, Nini”_ Kyungsoo teased lightly, his new nickname, rolled off his tongue as if he knew what to call Jongin.

That was the first time Kyungsoo heard his own nickname from Jongin. _“SOO! Stop!”_ he squeals if not shouted

Taemin burst out in laughter being joined by Kyungsoo and Minho who are too happy too care about the man who came into the shop.

_“Glad the best person in my life is having fun”_ the man voiced out

 

Kyungsoo’s laughter died down and he frowned when he glanced at the owner of the voice.

_“Baek”_ he calls out with a worried tone

The man cocked an eyebrow at him and his lips were pulled in a tight line. _“Yes, the same Baek who you should be calling every single day to update, my Do Kyungsoo. Don’t get me wrong, suspense and all, I’m all for that but not with you, Kyungie. You’re too important for that damn suspense and surprise bullshit”_ Baekhyun says in an irritated tone

Kyungsoo stood up and frowned even more. Baekhyun walked towards their table like the diva he is, removing his shades and cap.

_“Language, Baek”_ Kyungsoo points out

Baekhyun’s eyes stopped to Jongin who was sitting on his seat, still looking at Kyungsoo.

_“Oh. Is he..”_ Baek mutters in surprise

_“Baek”_ Kyungsoo warned him

_“You must be the dancer?”_ Baekhyun says, addressing Jongin

_“I am”_ Jongin answered when he finally looked at Baekhyun

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and scoffed at Kyungsoo. _“Great. I’m Byun Baekhyun and I’m taking my best friend before he does something stupid, or maybe you”_ Baekhyun said lightly

_“Byun Baekhyun!”_ Kyungsoo growled and it was the first time Jongin, Taemin or even Minho heard Kyungsoo’s voice get as firm as that.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes at Kyungsoo and started to grab Kyungsoo’s things. _“I mean, you, doing him. Geez. I didn’t call him stupid, stupid. Let’s go”_ Baekhyun shamelessly scolds Kyungsoo

Kyungsoo wanted to sink to the ground sooner than he thought but his thoughts were pulled away when Jongin stood up and bowed at Baekhyun. _“It’s a pleasure to see you and meet you. Don’t worry about Soo too much, I got him. If you may excuse me”_ Jongin said politely and it made Kyungsoo want to hit Baekhyun even more.

Jongin turned to Kyungsoo with a warm smile. _“Soo, don’t bail out, call me or I’ll order everything that I want”_ he teased before waving at the guys and leaving the café.

 

 

_“So that Jongin”_ Baekhyun points out as soon as they got home

_“I fucking hate you”_ Kyungsoo cursed and it was one of those few times that he did.

Baekhyun plopped down on the couch at the living room and grabbed Kyungsoo’s laptop.

_“You don’t swing that way, right? I mean you like him dancing but what’s with the ‘don’t bail out on me?’ are you two going out?”_ Baekhyun asks continuously

He opened Kyungsoo’s laptop and Kyungsoo knows Baekhyun would see the list anyway. He’s glad that the effect list was saved as a document and not a note.

_“Why are you even here?”_ Kyungsoo called out from the kitchen as he’s trying to search for popcorns and bowls.

_“Well I’m a concerned human being and Chanyeol wanted to go with Chen and Sehun but I told them no. I don’t want them to stress you out”_ Baekhyun answered

Kyungsoo grunted in frustration, putting the bowls down before he went to the pantry to grab bags of chips and chocolates. He tossed the bag of chocolates inside the fridge next to the canned sodas.

_“Baek stop treating me as if everything I do might kill me. I can laugh, I can walk up and down the stairs, I can run without dying, thank you very much”_ Kyungsoo said in exasperation

There was silence before Baekhyun appeared by the breakfast bar, placing Kyungsoo’s laptop on top of the bar.

_“I know, Kyungie. It’s just that..”_ he trailed off

_“It wasn’t your fault, Baek. Leave it”_ Kyungsoo said quietly

He already hated that his best friend, started blaming himself for not knowing about his condition when it was Kyungsoo’s fault that he never told them.

_“I don’t know what I’ll do without you, Kyungie”_ Baekhyun said, hugging his best friend tightly

 

Baekhyun was at his side that time when Kyungsoo collapsed, they just won the Daesang and they were performing the encore stage happily. Kyungsoo felt the rush and adrenaline all over him. He wanted to feel that high again. He embraced it and then he collapsed just after the encore performance.  

_“I don’t swing that way or maybe I do. I don’t know. He’s good for me”_ Kyungsoo tried to answer

_“Kyungie, you can’t be too happy, too sad or too everything. You know that and when you get into a relationship, everything will be too much, trust me”_ Baekhyun said quietly

_“Chanyeol’s overwhelming you now?”_   Kyungsoo teased, taking the topic away from him.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and smacked Kyungsoo’s behind. _“You’re an ass. I’m not in a relationship with Chanyeol because I want to get your ass”_ he said, squeezing Kyungsoo’s ass.

_“My ass is not up for grabs, Baekkie. Try another lifetime”_ Kyungsoo answered back, slapping his hand away.

_“Oh I will until I get to fuck that plump ass”_ Baekhyun smirked and said bluntly

Kyungsoo gaped at him and pushed his best friend away. _“You’re gross”_  

_“I can ride you, if you want”_   Baekhyun beamed at him.

_“Get away from me!”_

 

 

Jongin arrived at exactly 7 pm, freshly showered from what he looks like. His hair half-damp and in his arms were paper bags of food. _“Is Baekhyun~ssi still here?”_ Jongin said with a worried tone

Kyungsoo thinks that Baekhyun scared Jongin too much and Jongin looks too adorable. _“No. Kicked him out after he fell asleep here”_ he answered and stepped aside before getting a new pair of house slippers for Jongin

_“Oh”_ Jongin smiled and entered his house.

_“I don’t remember this place being nice like this. Are you a hidden interior designer?”_ Jongin said with a bright smile

Kyungsoo shook his head and walked towards the closet next to the foyer and pulled out a small towel. _“Make yourself at home, Nini”_ he said softly before placing the towel on Jongin’s head.

_“Thank you and I hate the nickname”_   Jongin answered him before setting down the paper bags on the coffee tbale at the living room

_“You’ll get to love it, soon enough”_ Kyungsoo said lightly and smiled at him.

 

Their first kiss happened that night, when the OST of Step Up was blasting on the background, the only light was coming from the TV with the film credits rolling. Kyungsoo was the one who leaned in, as if he found all the magnets attached to Jongin and his lips for that matter.

Jongin pulled away as soon as their lips touched but he kept his hands on Kyungsoo’s arm. _“Let’s date”_   he said and it wasn’t a question. All that Kyungsoo could do was nod before Jongin kissed him again but this time, soft lips against his, hands placed at the right places, his nape and his waist.

Kyungsoo thanks his heart for not throbbing too fast but he felt the high that he had to control as he kissed back. He has never kissed someone, well Baekhyun of course but that was because Baekhyun is a playful scum that wants to get his ass.

_“Soo”_ Jongin breathed out, pressing their foreheads together

They were both out of breath and Kyungsoo was still trying to calm his heart. _“Hmm”_ he hummed in response

_“Date, you and me”_ Jongin said, not opening his eyes.

Kyungsoo chuckled as he was inching forward to feel the warmth of Jongin’s lips again. _“I heard you the first time, Nini”_   he whispered against the latter’s lips.

_“I’m just making sure you don’t forget”_ Jongin said, cupping Kyungsoo’s face to pull him closer

_“You’re silly”_ Kyungsoo muttered

Jongin’s eyes finally opened and he looked at Kyungsoo with so much emotions. _“I admire you and your existence”_   he said softly before placing a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips.

_“Jongin, stop being too cheesy”_ Kyungsoo said, lightly punching the other’s chest

Baekhyun always said that he looks like a baby owl whenever he widen his eyes so as much as possible he tries not to do so but with Jongin, it’s hard to keep his emotions shut, his eyes widened in surprise and Jongin chuckled softly before tilting his head to the side.

_“Hey, there’s not enough cheese in the world for that so I’m giving you your own”_ Jongin said softly before pecking his lips again.

_“Addictive. Again? Before I leave?”_ Jongin asked, his eyes staring at Kyungsoo’s lips.

_“Are you asking permission?”_ Kyungsoo asks in confusion

Jongin nodded like a kid, pouting as he impatiently waits for Kyungsoo’s answer _“Yes”_ Jongin grunts out in frustration when Kyungsoo hasn’t answered

_“Okay. Of course”_ Kyungsoo finally answers him

 

 


	3. LISTED

 

Kyungsoo didn’t have a clue that Baekhyun would walk in on them, well for one, Baekhyun never uses his key so he assumed that today wouldn’t be any different but he was wrong, so wrong when a series of curses echoed the living room while he was currently making out with Jongin on the couch.

_“DO KYUNGSOO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?”_

Kyungsoo and Jongin pulled away, both of them panting hard but Kyungsoo was just happy, he was so happy and his heart feels alive. He feels so alive every time he’s with Jongin. Baekhyun was fuming mad, he was glaring at the both of them that Jongin just wanted to be small.

 

_“Baek?”_ Kyungsoo frowns in surprise or irritation

_“I was calling you! You worried me! You never not answer my calls!”_ Baekhyun said in exasperation

Now that Kyungsoo sees him, Baekhyun looks tired, his hair was a mess, his clothes were poorly picked and he looks too worried. _“Oh Baek, I’m sorry, I’m just—“_

_“Busy shoving your tongue into Jongin’s throat, yeah, I got that”_ Baekhyun said flatly, running his fingers through his messy hair.

_“Baekhyun please”_ Kyungsoo says as he stands and walks towards Baekhyun to give him a hug

Baekhyun reluctantly hugs him back but once he felt Kyungsoo in his arms, he calmed down a little.

 

_“Does he know?”_ Baekhyun asks.

_“Know what?”_ Jongin asks, standing up and fixing his crumpled clothes.

_“You must be kidding me, Kyungsoo”_ Baekhyun said in exasperation, pulling away from his younger best friend.

_“Soo?”_  Jongin asks as the awkward silence was starting to bother him.

Kyungsoo turned to him and shook his head, lightly. _“Nothing, Jongin. Can you leave us for a minute?”_   he said

A growl came out of Baekhyun’s chest and he stepped away from Kyungsoo, glaring at him with piercing eyes. _“No. Leave the house Jongin. I’m sorry to be rude but I can’t just let you be in a relationship with my best friend”_ Baekhyun said firmly.

_“Why would I do that?”_ Jongin asked in confusion

He stood next to Kyungsoo who’s anything but fine. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to handle this. He's good at handling or tuning out Baekhyun's scolding but not with Jongin who's aware of the situation, he’s too worried and honestly, his heart is hurting right now. He can’t have Baekhyun ruin everything! He’s happy!

_“OMG, Kyungsoo tell your boy toy to go home before I kick him out”_ Baekhyun snapped

Jongin and Kyungsoo flinched at the words of Baekhyun but Jongin stepped in between them, his arm protectively blocking Kyungsoo from Baekhyun _“Stop talking to Kyungsoo like that!”_   he said with a louder warning.

_“Are you really shouting at me? I’m the best friend here!”_   Baekhyun shouts back

 

It took Kyungsoo all his energy before he finally let out a loud cry _“Stop!”_ he shouts, his hand gripping Jongin’s shirt as he stumbled forward, out of breath, his heart was clenching so tight and it hurts like hell.

_“Kyungie!”_

_“_ _S_ _oo!”_

_“Move away!”_ Baekhyun shouts at Jongin as he runs to the side table and pulled out the container for Kyungsoo’s pills. He then grabbed the water on the table before rushing to Kyungsoo’s side, pushing a tablet on Kyungsoo’s mouth.

_“Drink”_ he said as he pushes the water on Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Baekhyun has seen this happen far too many times that he wants to be happy that he didn’t cry this time. The first few times was after that damn award show when the agency told Kyungsoo to take a step back from the spotlight, Kyungsoo didn’t want to and he argued really hard because of that.

_“Baek, I’m sorry”_ Kyungsoo said after coughing up a lot.

Baekhyun soothed his hair and kissed his forehead. _“Shut the fuck up Kyungie. I’ll put you to bed”_   he said, gathering Kyungsoo in his arms

_“Let me”_ Jongin offered.

_“Sit your fucking ass down, Jongin before I change my mind”_   Baekhyun said sharply as he pulled Kyungsoo into his arms and carried him

 

 

Baekhyun came down a bit later and Jongin was just staring at the bottle of medicine in front of him. He sees the same bottle everywhere, around the house and always within reach. _“The reporters lied? Your agency lied? Kyungsoo hyung is in a worse condition that they said”_ Jongin stated in disbelief

_“Are you going to leave him now?”_ Baekhyun sighed and sat on the couch adjacent to where Jongin is sitting.

_“No”_ Jongin answered firmly

_“Jongin, I don’t hate you. Well yes, I fucking hate you for being the one who makes Kyungsoo happy but I don’t hate you as a person. Kyungsoo, he’s got a fragile heart, literally. He can’t be too elated, too happy, too angry, too sad or even too contented because it will put a strain on his heart”_   Baekhyun explained as calm as he could

_“His heart can’t be fixed?”_ Jongin asks quietly, pushing the bottle of medicine on the side table.

Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo would kill him over this for telling his boyfriend, boy toy or whatever the fuck they are but Jongin needs to understand.

_“No. Kyungsoo rejected the idea of a heart transplant. His doctor also said that there won’t be that big of a chance that Kyungsoo survives the operation because he has a very rare blood type and they can’t get a match for a heart. I have the same blood type as him but I can’t give him my heart. Do you know how that hurts me? Kyungsoo deserves the world, he showers us with love and kindness, he deserves to live”_   Baekhyun barely managed to get all that out without his voice breaking and sobbing.

He doesn’t care about his image when it comes to his friend, he has been scolded multiple times for answering back the people who spread the rumors about Kyungsoo but he doesn’t regret any bit of them. _“So you’re telling me to go because he might get overwhelmed?”_ Jongin asked quietly

Baekhyun felt bad for yelling at the younger earlier but he’s glad that the latter understood why he’s like that. _“Yes. Jongin. I know you mean well, hell, Kyungsoo has been watching you every single night, marveling about how good you are at dancing, how beautiful you are but I can’t risk losing him”_ Baekhyun admitted.

_“Please let me take care of him. I’ll make him stronger, he can rely on me. I’ll give my everything to him”_ Jongin said

Baekhyun thinks that Jongin is crazy, he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Giving Kyungsoo his all? He must be out of his mind, Baekhyun scoffs in disbelief. He turned to look at the younger straight in the eyes. _“Jongin, you’re young and you have your whole life in front of you…”_ he trailed off.

Jongin didn’t back down, he met Baekhyun’s gaze with a firm one. _“He’s the one who gave me hope. That’s enough for me to give him my all”_ he said quietly

_“Jongin”_ Baekhyun sighed.

_“Baekhyun~ssi. Just let me. I won’t hurt him, I’ll make him happy. I won’t dare endanger him or his heart”_ Jongin said firmly

 

 

Kyungsoo hasn’t seen Jongin in five days, five whole days and he now hates Baekhyun for it. Although, Jongin said that he was just busy, Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun successfully scared Jongin to be in a relationship with a dying man.

_“How about a white mocha today, Kyungsoo~ssi?”_ Minho offered

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip and nodded. _“Minho hyung?”_ he calls out in a soft voice

Minho turned to him with a small smile and waited for him to continue his words. _“Is Taemin~ssi in?”_

_“Uh, no. I think he’s with Jongin, they’re quite busy and I don’t know why they are busy”_ Minho answered with a frown.

_“Oh. Thank you”_ Kyungsoo said softly before handing his payment for the drink and pastries.

 

Kyungsoo was updating his list when the café door opened revealing the two missing men. _“Soo! Let’s go!”_ Jongin beams at him.

Kyungsoo’s heart warmed at the sight of his boyfriend who he hasn’t seen for days. He looked bashful and Kyungsoo wants to know why.  _“What?”_ Kyungsoo asked

_“Let’s go!”_ Jongin says again and pouts at him when he wasn’t moving.

Taemin just shrugged at them but he has this warm smile on his face. _“Where?”_ Kyungsoo asks Jongin

_“Just let’s go!”_ Jongin said pulling on his arm.

Kyungsoo closed his laptop and placed it inside his bag together with his things. Minho approached them with Kyungsoo’s order. He was right to serve it as a take-away meal since Jongin is more than impatient to pull Kyungsoo out of the shop.

_“Jongin, stop pulling his arm”_ Minho points out, handing the paper bag to Jongin while he gives the warm beverage to Kyungsoo before kissing his boyfriend, Taemin.

 

 

Without the pulling, Kyungsoo wondered when Jongin got a car or if he had one before. He’s driving them towards a place that Kyungsoo doesn’t have a clue about. The only thing was that Jongin is happy and that’s enough for him.

_“I missed you”_ Kyungsoo said softly

Jongin glanced at him and squeezed their joined hands. _“I’ll make it up to you, baby. I’ll make you happy. I missed you so bad”_ he promised

Taemin just chuckled softly and he mumbled about why he left Minho back at the shop, knowing that his boyfriend would probably throw a fit afterwards for missing this out.

When they parked at a certain spot, Kyungsoo couldn’t see a lot of things just the almost empty parking lot. He still doesn’t know why his boyfriend is too happy. They all got out of the car, Jongin gazed at him, looking at him from head to toe before he pecked his lips.

_“You’re always perfect”_ Jongin said in awe as he tried to fix Kyungsoo’s black locks.

Kyungsoo was wearing his glasses, a pair of tight jeans that Baekhyun bought for him and the black shirt that he used for their concert before. _“What’s happening?”_ Kyungsoo asked as Taemin was putting a blindfold over his eyes.

_“Trust us”_ Jongin said quietly and kissed his cheek.

He trusts Jongin more than he trusts himself. In the short two months that they’ve been together, the latter always took good care of him. He has to open the topic about his illness to Jongin one of these days and he still doesn’t know how to do that.

_“Stairs”_ Jongin muttered as he was guiding him towards somewhere. _“Two steps only”_ he added

He felt Jongin’s hands on his shoulders and the younger pushed him down to sit on a comfortable chair. _“Hyung, let’s drink later on”_ Jongin whispered

_“Huh?”_ Kyungsoo asked in confusion

He feels uneasy, like those times when they go on their concert or shows, he feels the adrenaline building up and he knows he has to handle it like usual.

_“Drink, later”_ Jongin says again.

_“Sure”_ Kyungsoo agreed

 

 

Within a second, the blindfold fell from his eyes and his vision was filled with a large crowd, hundreds of people, standing and waving banners at him. He moved his gaze and he realized that he was sitting in front of a grand piano.

Baekhyun, Chen, Sehun and Chanyeol were near the stage, waving at him. _“Please welcome, our loving leader, D.O.”_ Baekhyun introduced Kyungsoo before he motioned at D.O. to start and play.

The fans were loud, louder and the crowd went larger as it was an open and free performance. The only reason why they aren’t being mobbed was because of the triple security team guarding the stage and the guys. There were food trucks parked that were for the fans, a bunch of churro trucks with Kyungsoo’s face.

Baekhyun sighed when Kyungsoo didn’t start so he went up the stage with Chen, Sehun and Chanyeol. The people went wild because of the idol group who’s now more than complete. _“Just one and you should perform the rest. They are waiting for you”_   Baekhyun said quietly before he gave a nod to Chen and Chanyeol who are passing the microphones to Sehun and Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun sat next to Kyungsoo and gave him a light nudge. Kyungsoo went to find Jongin and he caught the younger right there in front, waving his own banner and smiling brightly at him. _“Go, hyung!”_ he shouted

Kyungsoo shook his head before he finally pressed the keys.

 

He didn’t know it but when everything was done, Kyungsoo was suddenly hit with the emotions he tried to keep down. He missed it, he missed the fans, his members, their performances and especially the feeling on being on stage.

Baekhyun really left him on his own and allowed him to perform a few more songs before he finally told Kyungsoo to just talk to his fans. It wasn’t as intimate and private as he wanted but it was the best. Jongin and Taemin performed as well not for the fans but for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo has been wanting to see his boyfriend perform on stage and now that he saw it, he knows that Jongin is right to be on stage.

_“Thank you”_ he told Jongin as they were walking back to his place to drink and possibly cross of another thing on his list.

_“You’re always welcome, Kyungsoo. I should be the one thanking you”_ Jongin said softly and he kissed his boyfriend’s hand.

_“You’ve been busy because of that event?”_ Kyungsoo asked

Jongin nodded lightly and he looked away. _“I may or may have not stolen your list. I found it on your couch, I may or may have not taken a photo of it”_ Jongin muttered shyly

_“Baekhyun put you up to it, right?”_ Kyungsoo accused

Jongin nodded lightly and he pulled Kyungsoo closer to him. _“He did once I asked him a favor”_ Jongin said

_“You called Baekhyun? Where did you get his number?”_ Kyungso asked in surprise.

_“Your phone”_ Jongin mumbled

Kyungsoo gaped at him in shock and jokingly punched him. _“You, Kim Jongin. You’re a very very bad boy, Nini”_ he said with a warning tone to his voice

 

 

As soon as they entered the house, Kyungsoo pushed Jongin’s back to the closed door and clashed their lips. Jongin gasped softly making it easier for Kyungsoo to dart his tongue inside. Jongin’s a very good kisser and Kyungsoo learns very well which is a bit problematic for Jongin sometimes.

_“Soo, baby, calm down”_ Jongin murmured against their lips.

Kyungsoo bit the younger's lower lip and pulled him closer before he finally pulled away from the younger’s mouth. _“I love you”_

Silence hit the air and it was Jongin who dropped those words like a bomb. Kyungsoo’s heart hurt not because he doesn’t want Jongin but because their impending talk might have to be pushed sooner than he thought.

Jongin raked his fingers on his hair and he cupped Kyungsoo’s face with his free one. _“I’ve loved you since I caught you watching me dance. I didn’t know you then but I felt my heart wanting you that night as soon as our eyes met.”_ Jongin said with sincerity.

Kyungsoo stayed quiet before he sighed and toed off his shoes. Jongin did the same as his boyfriend was pulling on his hand, they went to the living room and Kyungsoo gently pushed Jongin to sit down on the couch before he went to the kitchen to grab a pack of beer bottles and bags of chips.

He placed them on the coffee table before he turned and sat next to Jongin. _“Let’s talk first”_ Kyungsoo said quietly

Now he understands why everyone hated those words. They were always used to start a bad conversation.

_“Soo”_ Jongin said softly, reaching out to lace their hands together.

Kyungsoo allowed Jongin but he shook his head and looked at the younger’s eyes. He needs Jongin to understand his reasons. _“No. I want you to hear this. Baekhyun probably told you about my condition and you must think that I’m stupid for not getting the surgery but Jongin, I want you to know that I want to live, that’s why I’m doing this. I’ve been sheltered and careful my whole life that I just want to start living my life. I want to live it with you but I’m scared of leaving you”_ Kyungsoo admitted

He never thought about falling too fast but when you’re basically with one person most of the time and you feel joy and warmth, it’s not hard to fall.

_“Then don’t leave me, I will never leave you”_ Jongin promised

_“Jongin, you don’t understand. I can die anytime”_ Kyungsoo pointed out

He wanted to save Jongin from this misery of worrying all the time if his boyfriend will die or not. If he has to move on, it's better to do it now and not later when everything's too late.

_“Me too. Anyone can die anytime, Soo. I just want to spend every moment with you, without regrets”_ Jongin said firmly, dismissing Kyungsoo’s thoughts.

 

 

Anyone would think that the one getting crossed off the list was the **_Drink and get a tattoo_** part but Kyungsoo wasn’t expecting to see Jongin lying on his back and on his bed after a good drink and a good movie. Their make-out session turned into clothes being thrown away, hands touching everywhere and it was just that Jongin willingly took his place, under Kyungsoo.

_“Jongin”_

Kyungsoo wanted to switch places but Jongin placed his hand on Kyungsoo’s chest to stop him. _“No. I want you to fill me up. Let me feel for you, Soo. Hold back as much as you can, I will feel for us. Let my heart be yours too. I want you to see and feel it”_ Jongin said quietly as he traced the sides of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know shit about this and he thought about calling Baekhyun but doing that would get him killed faster than his heart can. He was kneeling on the bed, between Jongin’s parted legs. He was fully clothed while Jongin was more or less naked. He got rid of his clothes expect for his boxers while they were walking towards the bedroom.

Jongin reached for Kyungsoo’s shirt, tossing it somewhere on the ground before he reached for his pants. Kyungsoo slapped his hand away and glared at him. _“Calm down. Jongin. If I’m going to fuck you, let me do it right”_ Kyungsoo muttered

Jongin chuckled at Kyungsoo’s bossy tone. He really loves it when Kyungsoo gets like that, he shows who’s older and who’s more in control. Kyungsoo took a deep breath before he stood up and walked towards the bedside table, fishing out his bottle of pills and a bottle of water from the fridge next to it. He drank the tablet before removing his belt and opening the top button of his jeans.

He looked at Jongin who was clearly more than amused to wait for him. He doesn’t move his gaze lower since he knows that Jongin is more than ready and hard for him. He’s not sober but he’s not drunk. He’s not going to regret this. Kyungsoo repeats it on his mind until Jongin cleared his throat.

When Kyungsoo turned to him, a piece of fabric hit him straight on the face, he immediately pulled it away and when he did, he noticed that it was the same piece of clothing that Jongin was wearing.

 

Jongin is ~~beautiful~~. That was an understatement. Jongin is breathtaking, the moonlight coming from the window hits his place perfectly and he’s Godly beautiful, his skin sparkles like gold and shimmers like bronze. Jongin flipped himself over on his hands and knees, showing Kyungsoo the perfect view.

_“What are you doing?”_ Kyungsoo managed to ask as he set down the bottle of water on the table. Jongin didn’t answer, he braced his hand on the headboard, his back arching perfectly as he sucked on his fingers.

Kyungsoo moved behind Jongin, he removed his jeans but kept his boxers on. _“Touch me, Soo”_ Jongin breathed out.

Kyungsoo’s hands gripped his waist softly before he started putting pressure as his touch moved further up on Jongin’s back. Jongin moaned out as Kyungsoo hovered behind him, putting pressure on his body. Kyungsoo bucked his hips forward, right where Jongin’s ass meets his now-hardened erection.

Kyungsoo didn’t allow Jongin to move as he started to roll his hips forward while keeping a steady grip on Jongin’s waist. _“Soo. No. I want—Soo”_ Jongin was breathless and they weren’t even doing anything yet.

Jongin pushed back to meet Kyungsoo’s hips and he wrapped his free hand on his erection. Kyungsoo slapped it away, kissing Jongin’s spine as he wrapped his own hand around Jongin’s hard length. Jongin groaned out in pleasure as Kyungsoo’s hand moved back and forth.

The feeling was overwhelming to Kyungsoo but he knows damn well not to let his emotions run wild. He wants to do this. He wants to do this with Jongin.

The sound of Jongin panting, moaning out his name filled the air as he jacked off the younger faster. Jongin cursed out loud as he felt his release coming. His hand gave out and now he’s cheek flat on the pillows as he climaxed all over Kyungsoo’s favorite bed sheet.

 

Jongin is so beautiful, Kyungsoo thinks. He was so sensitive, even the slightest touch, makes him moan. Kyungsoo flipped Jongin on his back and straddled him. Their mouth met, Jongin half sated while the other was still building up some more anticipation. He wants to worship Jongin and he will do so.

He trailed his kisses down to Jongin’s jaw, his hands, tracing all over the younger’s body. Jongin groaned out in pleasure as Kyungsoo’s lips came in contact with his nipple. _“Ah. Soo. Fuck. I don’t think I can anymore”_   Jongin muttered

Truthfully, he never came that hard from a hand job and dry humping. Taemin would flip if he knew about this and he wouldn’t let it live down as long as they’re alive.

_“You can, Nini. You’re already half hard, baby. I’ll be inside you sooner than you think”_ Kyungsoo promised and it sent warmth right where Jongin needs it to be.

Kyungsoo wanted to laugh at himself for acting so tough when he doesn’t have the slightest clue on how to do this. His hands and mouth did all the work, kissing, licking, sucking and touching Jongin until he was fully hard and breathless again.

He’s a mess and he looks fucking beautiful. _“Suck on my fingers please”_ Jongin pleaded, pushing his fingers near Kyungsoo’s mouth

Like a pliant boy, he sucked and played with Jongin’s fingers until he pulled them out. Jongin pushed Kyungsoo away from him for a second before he went on his knees again, facing the headboard and before Kyungsoo could even react, Jongin pushed a finger inside himself, slowly, tipping his bead back and his body arching in pleasure.

_“Soo. Ohh”_ he moaned out.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but watch. He felt helpless that Jongin had to prepare himself but he looks wonderful doing it.  Jongin was already riding his own hand, ready to climax again when Kyungsoo gripped his waist to still his movements.

He pulled out Jongin’s fingers and flipped the younger again, settling in between Jongin’s legs, he pushed the younger’s knees to his chest. _“Hold it”_ Kyungsoo said before he finally got rid of the last clothing he was wearing.

Jongin has never seen a person as beautiful as Kyungsoo, his pale skin, his pink flesh and he didn’t even expect that Kyungsoo would be that long and thick. Kyungsoo jerked himself a few times before spitting on his hand to lubricate himself.

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin before he aligned his hard length to the younger’s entrance. _“Jongin”_

_“Go, Soo. I’m ready for you”_

It was safe to say that Kyungsoo didn’t die that night or the morning after. After he thoroughly fucked Jongin, Jongin pleased him too much that he had to drink another tablet after coming for the fourth time. Jongin kept on saying he can’t anymore but he came at least five times.

It was Jongin who crossed it off his list, four at once.

  * **_~~Have sex~~_ ~~~~**
  * **_~~Have meaningful sex~~_ ~~~~**
  * **_~~Have sex with person who I love~~_ ~~~~**
  * **_~~Fall in love~~_ ~~~~**



He had no complaints, only an effect sheet to fill. It’s blissful, the feeling of falling in love, making love or having sex with that person. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jongin beautifully and artfully took the pleasure, it was like he was dancing while writhing in pleasure under Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo made a mess out of him and they both loved it.

Kyungsoo found himself looking over the list that he wrote down on the paper that was once smooth.

  * _~~Find out the name of the dancing man~~_ ~~~~
  * _Get coffee every day, try out the different flavors_
  * _Call Baekhyun more often (only to stop his loud mouth from yelling)_
  * _~~Learn how to paint~~_ ~~~~
  * _Get drunk and a tattoo (Don’t get a tattoo sober)_
  * _~~Have sex~~_ ~~~~
  * _~~Have meaningful sex~~_ ~~~~
  * _~~Have sex with person who I love~~_ ~~~~
  * _~~Fall in love~~_ ~~~~
  * _Find the light in the dark_
  * _Throw caution away_
  * _~~Get a three churro trucks and sing for fans, live and free~~_ ~~~~
  * _Apologize to parents_
  * _Have kids (Cross every finger and toe)_
  * _Breathe again_
  * _Have a strong heart_
  * _Lie to someone_
  * _Dance my heart out_
  * _Go to the beach_
  * _Be someone’s strength_
  * _Make someone happy_
  * _Make a mark_



His list was getting shorter by the day and it wasn’t even half of the year. Kyungsoo thinks that he should add more because he knew he could probably finish the list.

_“I want to get a tattoo that you’ll design”_ Jongin suddenly said, kissing Kyungsoo’s head.

It was afternoon already and he’s pretty sure that if he doesn’t message Baekhyun in a few minutes, the latter would panic again and appear unannounced. _“Why? I’m not a tattoo artist”_

_“But you’re an artist and I started taking drawing lessons too. I want to design your tattoo, if that’s alright?”_ Jongin asked shyly

Kyungsoo turned around to face Jongin. The younger’s eyes were still closed as if he’s savoring everything and he doesn’t want the bright sun to wash it all away. Jongin was smiling and Kyungsoo loved seeing him smile.

_“Okay. Let’s do that but we should be both drunk because I can’t tolerate pain”_ Kyungsoo pointed out

Jongin chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he smiled brightly. _“Of course, baby”_

 

Two days after that day, Kyungsoo crossed two more from his list. **_Throw caution away_** and **_Get drunk and have a tattoo_**

He doesn’t know where his tattoo was placed or what it looked like because he was too hammered to think about it.

He woke up bearing the headache he gained from drinking too much last night. It was one of those things he never thought of doing but then, thinking about it now made him so blissful. He rubbed his eyes gently before opening them, taking in the newly painted walls that he designed, looking at the bright stars that kept him smiling the whole night.

Turning to the side, his smile widened as he saw the glass of water on the table and two tablets of advil right beside it. He sat up straight, leaning his back on the headboard while plucking the paper under the glass of water.

_“I’ll see you again._

_-Nini”_

Of course, Jongin has to be the sweetest person too. He reached for a different bottle of pills, drinking it before the advil. He wished Jongin took his own too, he must be dead drunk last night too.

Taemin had to pick them up with Minho so now he’s planning to apologize to the two men and thank them. He knew that Jongin would come later on since the latter was a sleepy head.

 

Jongin watched Kyungsoo as the latter started walking to their favorite café. He always admired Kyungsoo and now he loves him more than he should’ve. Well fuck it if he lets the world collapse on them. He needs Kyungsoo, he wants Kyungsoo and he’ll make it happen.

His phone rang as he was about to go to the bathroom. He picked it up without looking at the caller, hoping that it was his boyfriend. _“Kai”_

_“Mom”_ Jongin muttered as he leaned on the bathroom door.

_“Let’s get our physical check-up. The doctor said you missed you appointment. Your sister too.. I swear you two should be kept under a tight watch. Your sister wants to start a family so she needs to get checked too”_ his mom scolded

_“Mom, I have a boyfriend”_ Jongin suddenly blurts out, the feeling of shock and bliss filled his heart and he couldn't help but smile. 

_“You what?”_ his mom asked in confusion

_“Mom, I’m happy”_ Jongin said with contentment

His heart was full of love and he wants the same for Kyungsoo. He wants what Kyungsoo wants. To live happily.

_“Jongin?”_ his mom called out

_“Mom, I’m sorry for distancing myself. I’m truly happy now. Kyungsoo makes me so happy. Mom I want you to meet him. I know you probably don’t love the idea that your only son is gay but Mom he’s perfect Kyungsoo is perfect”_ Jongin said proudly that he couldn’t contain his smile

_“Oh Jongin”_ his mother said softly

_“I’ll bring him, mom. I want you to meet him. Let’s take him to the beach”_ Jongin suggested

He heard his mom sniffle and chuckled. _“Of course, Jongin. We’d love to meet your boyfriend, baby boy”_ his mom assured him

 

 

That night, Kyungsoo got hospitalized.

Jongin was coming back from the dance studio with Kyungsoo when the latter passed out, his fingers started getting cold and his pulse was so weak that Jongin panicked and called an ambulance before calling Baekhyun.

_“What the fuck did you do?!”_ Baekhyun yelled at him as soon as he saw Jongin standing outside Kyungsoo's room.

Kyungsoo’s asleep or that’s what the doctor said after he checked Kyungsoo and injected him with something. _“Nothing, we were just walking back to his place”_ Jongin answered in an unsure tone.

Maybe he pushed it too much when he had sex with Kyungsoo. He shouldn’t have. If he tells Baekhyun about it, he might kill Kyungsoo more than kill him.

_“Mr. Byun”_ the doctor came out of Kyungsoo’s room

_“Please tell us”_ Baekhyun said quietly

_“Where is his family?”_ the doctor asked

Baekhyun cocks his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at the doctor. _“I’m his family, this is his boyfriend. You know that by now, Dr. Choi. Kyungsoo doesn’t need anyone else but us”_ Baekhyun said firmly

Baekhyun personally hates Kyungsoo’s family for not caring enough. He knows that Kyungsoo chose this but it’s like his parents didn’t even bother stopping him.

Dr. Choi sighed and nodded in defeat. _“I’ve said this before, he needs to get a transplant. I can push him up the list, his condition would put him on top of the list. He needs to stay here and not strain his heart”_

_“Good luck telling that to Kyungsoo”_ Baekhyun scoffs at the doctor

He knows Kyungsoo wouldn’t have it, he won’t even stay at the hospital and he knows that the younger would just yell at him to get him out.

 

_“Do it”_ Jongin says quietly, making the good doctor and Baekhyun turn to him in surprise

_“What?”_ The doctor asks, trying to figure out who the tall boy was.

_“Do it. Put Kyungsoo on top the list”_ Jongin says more firmly as he placed both hands in his pockets before looking at them dead straight on the eyes.

_“And who are you to make that call?”_ Baekhyun cocks his eyebrow at him and he swears that he might just kick Jongin in the nuts if the younger keeps on giving him some false hope that he can convince Kyungsoo to stay in.

_“I’m his husband”_ Jongin says in a serious tone

Leave it to them to go through that let’s get drunk and married. Only, Jongin was a bit sober when he took the time to register their marriage the next day, finalizing the signatures they signed the night before. He knew Kyungsoo would kill him but he’d rather get killed by his husband than watch him die.

_“Is that legal?”_ Baekhyun asked

_“As legal as it can be. Check the registry”_   Jongin dared, his voice never faltered and his heart was strong enough to back up his claim.

Maybe they’ll forget, he thinks. He’s right, they forget when Baekhyun says _“Go do it. Kyungsoo isn’t in the right condition to decide anyway. Let his husband decide for him”_ Baekhyun said quietly

_“I need a few more months with him. Don’t lock him up here”_ Jongin requested

He wants a few more months with Kyungsoo, as selfish as he can be, if Kyungsoo thinks that he can’t make it through the surgery then he needs time with Kyungsoo. He hasn’t loved Kyungsoo enough to let him go.

_“Bu—“_

_“But nothing, I’ll bring him every month for his check-up. I won’t miss a day and I promise to call if something’s bothering him”_ Jongin stated

He sighed in relief when the doctor agreed and left him and Baekhyun alone. Baekhyun was staring at Jongin with eyes full of doubt and concern. _“I hope you know what you’re doing, Jongin”_

They went home the next day, Kyungsoo wonders how Jongin managed to convince Baekhyun to let him out of the hospital but what’s important is that they’re now together, sleeping on the same bed and just clumped together.

_“Jongin”_ Kyungsoo calls out softly as it’s almost time to sleep.

_“Hmm?”_ Jongin answers, not moving at his comfortable position where he’s nuzzling on Kyungsoo’s neck.

_“I want to make love”_ Kyungsoo admits, it wasn’t a request or a question for Jongin to answer so instead he calls the older. _“Soo, baby”_

_“I can do it. I want to do it. I know my heart wants to give up but I feel alive everytime I touch you, I see you and feel you. I want it. I want it all Jongin. I want you”_ Kyungsoo wasn’t lying when he said that. He really feels alive when Jongin’s there, when he touches him or just even smiles at him.

Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s breath hitch and he felt him breathe down his neck more harshly. _“Not tonight, Soo but after this night, I’ll make love to you every night, every time, and everywhere. Just not now. I want to feel your warmth”_ Jongin says as he wills himself to calm down, pressing a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s neck.

_“I love you”_ Kyungsoo says and it was the last thing they both heard before they both went to sleep.

 

 


	4. PEPPERMINT END

 

If you’re going to ask Kyungsoo what he hates, he’ll tell you that it’s Perilla leaves then he’ll say maybe peppermint. He has tried every flavored drink on the café’s menu except for two drinks, those drinks that Jongin loves. _“Peppermint Mocha and Dark Mint Chocolate”_ Both drinks doesn’t contain caffeine because Jongin can’t drink coffee to save his life, he says it tastes like poison.

Jongin also has this small tin can container of mints that he never offers to Kyungsoo, before, he usually eats one but nowadays, Kyungsoo notices that Jongin takes two, a blue one and the white one. He doesn’t like peppermint and Jongin knows that. He always drinks it down with the hot chocolate or some orange drink so that Kyungsoo wouldn’t taste it on his mouth.

It has been two months since the incident and Kyungsoo can’t believe how fast the year was going. He knows Jongin worries about him but he tries not to show it, especially when they make love. Kyungsoo thinks Jongin holds back most of the time but being the stubborn and older one, he forces Jongin to let it all out and feel him thoroughly.

His list hasn’t moved on except for the time that Jongin happily introduced him to his family and they went to the beach. He never saw Jongin that happy and that led him to making love with Jongin inside a storage room by the beach. They promised to come back, maybe after the lifeguard who saw them, resigns his spot to another person.

Kyungsoo feels it in his bones that he might not get to finish this year with Jongin. He feels his heart giving up at the slightest emotions, when he’s upset or when he misses Baekhyun, his heart hurts more and he has to take his medicine more often. The only time he doesn’t is when he’s with Jongin, it’s like his heart allowed Jongin to come in and soothe it for a while, calming it down as if it’s the balm to the aching spot.

 

_“Soo, baby”_ Jongin’s voice echoed the loft, he goes home every day but he stays with Kyungsoo now.

Jongin’s clothes are moved in, his laptop, and some of his things, he only goes back to his own apartment to feed his fish and maybe have some time alone from Kyungsoo.

_“Kitchen, Nini. Are you done with your shift?”_   Kyungsoo calls out as he turned off the stove.

He plates the dish that he was cooking for dinner and then checked the rice since his boyfriend hasn’t answered him.

_“Soo. Come here for a second. I gave birth”_ Jongin says with a serious tone

For some weird reason that made Kyungsoo happy, he bursts into chuckles knowing that his boyfriend has probably come up with something outrageous again. Jongin, finds something every single day. It might be just as simple as throwing stones at someone else’s window, breaking it and paying for it or pissing off Taemin by dropping a plastic insect on his drink to complain. Every day is a brand new and interesting day with Jongin.

Kyungsoo happily took the plates as he walks towards the living room. He stops on his tracks when he found Jongin sitting on the floor with two tiny puppies on his lap. _“Soo, meet pepper and mint. Our children”_

He didn’t know whether to cry first or laugh. He was too happy, seeing Jongin in that state, playing with two toy poodles, a black one and a white one, both are too small for them but Kyungsoo knows that Jongin got them this small so they can both watch them grow. What a cheesy man, Kyungsoo thinks.

Kyungsoo placed down the plates on the table, his heart was aching but it was good. It was good that Jongin pays attention to him when he said he wanted a dog but he never got one because his parents think it would kill Kyungsoo because of the happiness or sadness it might bring.

Jongin doesn’t care, he loves Kyungsoo and if Kyungsoo wants a dog, then he’ll get him a dog or two. If he wants a family then he’ll call them children and raise them with him. _“I love you and you’re silly”_ Kyungsoo says in awe of the sight before him

Jongin looks up with a bright smile on his face before he cradled the black puppy on his arm then stretched out his arm to Kyungsoo. _“Pepper wants your warmth”_ he points out

Kyungsoo was more than happy to take the black fluffy dog in his arms and sink down to the floor next to Jongin.

That same night, Kyungsoo apologized to his parents. He admitted that he’s in a relationship with a man and that they adopted kids. He also told them that he doesn’t think his heart will make it until the end of this year. He said it all while Jongin was in the bathroom, taking a shower. He didn’t know that the younger was listening behind the door, letting the shower run to drown his sobs.

Kyungsoo crossed down three more off his list before the night ended, **_Lie to someone, Apologize to parents_** and **_Have kids_**

He wanted to cross out a lot more, like breathe again or something but his heart was heavy and he didn’t know why. Jongin reached for the tin can of peppermints and he took two again before kissing Kyungsoo on his temple instead of his lips. _“I love you, Soo. Don’t leave me”_ it was the softest plea Jongin let out but Kyungsoo heard it loud and clear that he had to take his medicine to stop his heart from falling apart.

 

 

Baekhyun shouts one night in November, they’re celebrating Chanyeol’s birthday and preparing for December. Kyungsoo tries to think where his nine months went but then he sees Jongin, running around the loft with two dogs on his heels. He sighs in contentment, when he started that list last February, he wasn’t even sure he could do the first thing that was written on it.

_“It’s almost Christmas! Kyungie!”_ Baekhyun shouts again

Jongdae and Chanyeol scoffs knowing that it’s way too far to be ‘almost Christmas’. Sehun, their youngest is playing with Jongin and the dogs, they actually kept in contact after that one time they met and Kyungsoo loved that Jongin goes out of his way to be friends with his friends.

_“Baekhyun, my wish is that your loudness would tone down maybe a notch or two”_ Kyungsoo teases his best friend who pouts at him. He threw a pillow in disgust which made his friends chuckle in amusement.

A loud ring echoed the loft and it was Jongin’s phone from the sound of it. He ran towards the table and answered it. Kyungsoo’s eyes followed his boyfriend as the latter walked towards the kitchen to take his conversation privately. _“You’re like a stalker”_ Baekhyun says, poking his side

_“I was, you told me I was a stalker”_ Kyungsoo points out lightly

_“You’re still one”_ Baekhyun pointed out

Kyungsoo tapped his hand on the table and he was surprised when it made more noise than he thought it would. He looks at his hand and saw the ring Jongin gave him months ago. Jongin said it was a promise ring so instead of putting it on his ring finger, he placed it on Kyungsoo’s pinky finger. He never removed it since Jongin was the one who placed it.

_“That’s a nice ring”_ Chen pointed out

Kyungsoo hummed in agreement but then he saw Jongin coming out of the kitchen with a sullen look on his face and that alarmed him. _“Babe, is everything fine?”_ Kyungsoo called out from across the room

He couldn’t get out of his seat because Baekhyun was cuddled next to him like the koala he is. Jongin quickly wiped the sad look on his face and he looked at his boyfriend. _“Yes, it was just the store. They told me that I had to find another job since they’re closing down until next year”_   he answers quietly

_“What? Why?”_ Kyungsoo asks in confusion

He hasn’t been to the art studio or the supply store since he’s always at the café, his house or the dance studio. He’s been focusing on writing songs and arranging them so he can maybe leave them to Baekhyun and Jongin once he passes. Such a sad thought but he had to be realistic...

_“The owner is going overseas with the owner of the art studio. They’ll pursue their artistic needs”_ Jongin rolled his eyes after the explanation and he knows Kyungsoo would hit him for lying once he finds out that he was already let off a few days ago.

_“That’s okay, Kyungie can hire you”_ Baekhyun said with a teasing tone

Kyungsoo pushed Baekhyun away and opened his arms for Jongin. The latter makes his way, picking up Pepper as he passes by Sehun who was holding Mint.

_“To do what exactly?”_ Jongin asks as he took the place of Baekhyun and rested his thighs on Kyungsoo’s lap.

_“To teach him how to dance, he’s fucking bad at it”_ Baekhyun said bluntly before he ran towards Chanyeol to be out of Kyungsoo’s reach.

_“BAEKHYUN HOW DARE YOU. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO’S WORSE THAN ME!”_ Kyungsoo growls making Jongin and Pepper jolt up in surprise.

Sehun chuckles at the sight, seeing his new best friend get startled by his hyung’s voice.

_“UH. THAT WOULD BE CHEN OR CHANYEOL. I WILL NEVER BE IN THE BAD DANCERS' LINE UP, RIGHT SEHUN?!”_ Baekhyun points out at Sehun who was still on the floor playing with the white toy poodle, Mint.

_“Uhm, I don’t know, I think Kyungsoo hyung dances better”_ he answers nonchalantly which made the whole loft fill with laughter from all of the guys.

_“YAH OH SEHUN!”_ Baekhyun shouted

 

 

It was a habit Kyungsoo thinks, he wants Jongin to stop eating peppermint but he can’t actually complain because he hasn’t tasted it on his own mouth or Jongin’s since the latter drowns it witch something tastier, like kisses or hot chocolate. He wanted to ask about it but he couldn't do so. Jongin never gave him anything to question. 

November ended quickly and before he knew it, Jongin threw him out of his own house to spend Christmas Eve with Byun Baekhyun, Oh Sehun, Kim Jongdae and Park Chanyeol. Christmas Eve should be spent with your loved ones and Kyungsoo doesn’t love anyone more than Jongin. He hopes that his actions are enough to let the younger see.

_“How’s your list holding up?”_ Baekhyun asks while sipping on his third glass of red wine.

Kyungsoo took a sip of his own wine before giving a small nod to Baekhyun. _“More or less moving”_ he admits

_“How’s your heart?”_ Baekhyun asked quietly

Sehun, Chanyeol and Chen are playing on the game console as they wait for midnight to celebrate Christmas which leaves Baekhyun and Kyungsoo sitting on their dorm house’s outdoor patio. Both of them wrapped in multiple blankets and dressed warmly as they watch the snow fall.

_“Ah. Baek”_ Kyungsoo says, not wanting to talk about this right now.

He lies to Jongin when the younger asks if he’s fine. He knows Jongin can notice it but he doesn’t push Kyungsoo to tell him.

_“Don’t Ah Baek me. Be blunt”_ Baekhyun says, steeling himself for the harsh truth that Kyungsoo will spill.

_“I don’t think I can make it until New Year. I’m barely hanging on”_ Kyungsoo said as quiet as he could

_“Stop having sex”_ Baekhyun blurts out

He didn’t want this truth, it’s too soon. He only has a few more days and he’s scared that Kyungsoo’s doctor can’t find a match before this year ends. Jongin updates him regularly about everything and he's thankful that the younger does.

_“It’s not the sex, Baek. It’s just I think my heart is getting tired”_ Kyungsoo admits, leaning on Baekhyun’s chest.

He hears the loud thumping on Baekhyun’s chest. He loves the sound of it just like the sound of Jongin’s only Jongin’s heart is louder than anyone else’s. If hearts could scream, Kyungsoo’s would be the quietest but Jongin’s would be the loudest of them all.

Baekhyun pulls him closer. He needs Kyungsoo’s warmth, he doesn’t want to let go of Kyungsoo. Not now, not yet and maybe not ever. _“No shit. All because of the emotional rollercoaster and holding back that you’ve had to endure all these years. You look so damn healthy Kyungsoo, fucking healthier than your hunk of a boyfriend. You don’t deserve this. You need more. If I can only fucking give you my heart and walk away unscathed, I’d do it”_ Baekhyun says bluntly earning a chuckle from the younger.

_“You’re silly, Baekhyun. I love you even if you annoy the hell out of me. I still love you and treasure you”_ Kyungsoo admits.

 

Christmas night, Jongin was waiting when he came in his loft, he noticed the absence of the couches at the living room and saw how they’re pushed to the walls, the carpet was rolled and fairy lights hung from the second floor, to the pillars of the room. Jongin was standing in the middle, barefooted. He was wearing a loose white button up shirt, the sleeves were longer than his arms and upper buttons were unbuttoned, he’s wearing black pants to match. The thing that Kyungsoo noticed more than everything was Jongin’s black hair, he dyed it as black as it can be and it perfectly fits the younger’s features. He looks perfect, he looks his age and definitely beautiful.

_“Merry Christmas”_ Kyungsoo greeted

Jongin just stares at him, his eyes full of determination and it somehow frightened Kyungsoo. _“I want to show you something, Kyungsoo”_   he said quietly but he didn’t move to approach his boyfriend.

Kyungsoo nodded at Jongin and he stood by the wall that's right in front of Jongin so he sees Jongin clearly. Jongin reaches on his pocket taking out the tin can that he always carries. He sets it on the floor and kicks it away from them. Kyungsoo smiles at that, Jongin’s finally giving up the peppermints.

Kyungsoo thinks of the food that he placed down on the foyer earlier, he hasn’t eaten the whole day since he cooked at the dorm to celebrate Christmas with Jongin.

Jongin strides to the corner of the room where his phone sits at the speaker dock. Once he hit the play button, Kyungsoo knew that once again, Jongin stole something from him. It’s his gift for Jongin but the younger somehow stumbled upon it.

It’s pre-recorded and raw as it can be. No editing just his piano, his voice and back-up vocals that he recorded as well.

Kyungsoo thought that Jongin couldn’t be more beautiful when he saw the marvelous form of the younger on his bed, face full of pleasure but now, Jongin’s proving him wrong. He has seen Jongin dance far too many times, it might not be enough but he saw how the younger moves and loves the art.

If you give Kyungsoo a few more days or months, he’ll paint Jongin like this, the way he moves is so flawless, so graceful and smooth that only his voice was the roughness around the air. He can’t believe it but seeing Jongin dance to this song was too much.

His heart was pounding really hard when he notices that the routine was a mixture of hiphop lyrical and contemporary. Jongin’s face was full of bliss, his features were full of contentment, his eyes closed and he’s flying.

Jumping.

Leaping.

Flying.

Spinning.

Falling.

Falling.

Just right at the end of the song, Jongin fell down on his knees, clutching his head his hand pounding on his chest. He was crying. Kyungsoo rushes to his sides and takes the younger into his arms to soothe him. _“I did it, hyung. I finally finished the choreography”_ Jongin mumbles as he cries, holding onto Kyungsoo tightly as if he doesn't want to move away.

Kyungsoo’s heart was hurting bad, really bad so he fished out his phone and called Baekhyun. _“Baek. Please get me”_   he said before dropping his phone to the ground.

Jongin was crying and hugging him so tight that it worried him a lot. _“I love you, Kyungsoo. I love you. I love you. I love you”_ Jongin repeated it like a mantra.

Kyungsoo was crying too and he doesn’t even know why. It’s like his heart was too happy, it's like Jongin's magic was gone, it's not soothing his heart anymore but rather overwhelming it and now it’s breaking down. _“Jongin, baby. Hey. I love you”_   Kyungsoo says, placing a soft kiss on Jongin’s lips.

Jongin knows that Kyungsoo’s giving up now, he feels Kyungsoo’s touch so he did what he could, he kissed him to take his pain away, mumbling sweet words every now and then, caressing Kyungsoo’s face and body.

 

 

 

It hurts, that was the first thing on his mind. He pushed himself to open up his eyes and when he did, blinding white light welcomed him. His throat was dry and he’d give everything to take a sip of water. He turned his head to the side and saw Baekhyun clutching his hand tightly.

He gave him a light squeeze and that jolted up the sleeping Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s eyes widened and he immediately yelled for a doctor. The doctor came in, checking him and asking him questions that are far too stupid. _“Do you feel any different?” “Can you breathe?” “How’s your heart?”_

My heart. His heart was pounding against his chest, too hard and he was afraid to die any moment. He wants to see Jongin. He needs to see Jongin.

_“Baek, Jongin”_   Kyungsoo says as soon as his thirst was quenched with ice chips.

Baekhyun looks wrecked, totally wrecked, his eyes were swollen and puffy and his hair was a mess. He was a damn wreck.  _“Kyungie, you should rest. Jongin wouldn’t want you to worry about him right now”_   Baekhyun said quietly

That was a fact, Jongin would scold him and he knows it too well. For giving up and lying, Jongin would be enraged that he was about to leave him. 

_“But..”_ Kyungsoo mutters

_“Please Kyungie. Rest and be strong. Stronger”_ Baekhyun pleaded.

 

The days passed by quickly, it was Chen, Chanyeol, Sehun, Baekhyun, Minho and Taemin who frequents his hospital room. Jongin must be so upset and worried, he already did it one time, he didn’t speak to Kyungsoo for a whole week, he sulked because Kyungsoo talked to him about dying.

_“You can be discharged”_   the doctor said.

_“But what?”_ Kyungsoo asks since his tone was as if he wanted to add something.

_“You just got operated on, take it easy. I couldn’t fix your heart”_ the doctor said quietly

_“It’s okay, doctor. A heart will come. Thanks for saving me”_ Kyungsoo says even though he doesn't believe that a heart would come. It never did, why would it come now...

He had a surgery, Baekhyun said it was to stitch up an artery something or whatever. Those were his exact words. Kyungsoo hates that it will scar but he’s more excited to see Jongin at their home than be upset over the damn scar.

Baekhyun was quiet the whole drive home but he promised that they would head straight to Jongin. Kyungsoo was worried that they passed by their neighborhood already. _“Did you find out where your tattoo is?”_ Baekhyun suddenly asked

_“No”_   Kyungsoo frowned, thinking where the hell did his boyfriend get him inked

_“I did. I also know where Jongin’s tattoo is. He has three”_ Baekhyun muttered

_“No. I only designed two. He got it on his ankle and his hipbone”_ Kyungsoo points out, being bothered that Baekhyun saw the tattoo on those hidden spots.

_“He has one more, scribbled on the side of his ring finger on his left hand. Your initials, DKS”_   Baekhyun said quietly

That’s when Kyungsoo noticed his missing ring, he pulled his hand closer to his face and found three small letters right on the inside of his pinky, the letters were small enough to be covered by the ring. It was as simple as KJI

_“My ring”_   Kyungsoo muttered

_“I’ll give it to you later. It’s safe”_   Baekhyun answered quietly

Baekhyun forced Kyungsoo to change clothes, he was now wearing the damn tight black jeans and a white button up shirt. It wasn’t his shirt but Baekhyun’s so he rolled up the sleeves and opened two buttons. He made it through New Year and Jongin should be happy because of that.

 

 

Kyungsoo was staring at Baekhyun when they ended up walking to a path that he’s never walked before. Baekhyun held his hand tightly as they pushed forward. His heart felt heavy and it was hurting a lot, maybe it was because of the weather or because of the place but Kyungsoo didn’t know what to expect when he saw Jongin.

**_KIM JONG IN_ **

**_‘Nini’ (only for DKS)_ **

_01/14/XX – 12/25/XX_

**_‘I perfected every movement, I lived, I loved and now I’ll fly’_ **

_A dancer, a son, a brother and a loved one._

There was a huge lump on Kyungsoo’s throat as he read the headstone again and again, it was a black marble headstone, the letters etched on it was as bronze and golden as Jongin’s skin. Kyungsoo couldn’t understand. What the fuck is this?! It's like the words were bouncing and it won't sink into his brain, heart or body for that matter. 

He turned to Baekhyun who was looking anywhere but him. _“Baek”_   Kyungsoo choked out when he finally learned how to breathe again. IRONIC... The reason for his breaths, the reason why he wants to live is now gone.

_“He’s gone, Kyungie. He’s gone”_   Baekhyun said quietly

It’s snowing again, the fucking snow is falling again but all Kyungsoo could feel was the warmth of his blood boiling and his heart thumping so hard, asking him to calm down.

_“What the fuck are you talking about!? Jongin! Jongin’s healthy! What the actual fuck are you saying!”_ Kyungsoo yells, forcing Baekhyun to face him. 

Kyungsoo was more than angry, frustrated and he felt as if he's been cheated. Why are they doing this? Is this some of a cruel joke that Jongin wanted to do because he was giving up?!

Baekhyun’s face was full of sadness, he expected that Kyungsoo wouldn’t take this well but he promised Kyungsoo to see Jongin once they get out. _“Kyungsoo, stop. Don’t strain your heart!”_ Baekhyun said in worry, trying to hold his best friend but the latter wouldn't stop wrestling his way out of Baekhyun's grasp.

_“My heart?! My heart is fucking there! Where Jongin is!”_ Kyungsoo yells, pointing at the grave where Jongin is. This is a fucking sick joke. Taking someone who’s healthy and alive!

_“Stop, Kyungie, Jongin wouldn’t want that!”_ Baekhyun said as he tries to hug Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo fights him but Baekhyun just took every punch on his chest. Kyungsoo was now crying and his heart is hurting but it’s not like the hurt he feels when he’s about to pass out, it's a warm pain, the one that makes you feel alive, the one that reminds you why you're alive.

_“What do you know about Jongin!! You hated his guts!”_   Kyungsoo snapped, taking all his anger to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun sighed and kissed Kyungsoo’s temple. He’s going to break, he thinks. _“Kyungie, your heart that’s Jongin’s don’t let it go to waste”_ he said quietly, he didn't know if that was the best way to tell his best friend but he had no other choice. 

It was like ice cold water being poured all over Kyungsoo when he heard that, the reason why his heart was beating furiously as if it wasn’t afraid to beat, why it was stronger and brave enough to yell his feelings out.

Baekhyun hugged him tightly, trying to lessen the blow of what he’s going to say. He should’ve waited for Taemin or Minho or anyone but he knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t listen to anyone but him. _“He had a brain tumor. Taemin said Jongin wasn’t even expecting to last until December. His doctor gave him until April, he had a ticking time bomb on his head and he didn’t want to get it operated on. He wanted to live his life just like you, Kyungie. He wanted to live.”_ Baekhyun starts softly, thinking about every word before he lets it out of his mouth

Kyungsoo gripped Baekhyun's arms as if he’s clinging for his life. His knees gave out but Baekhyun held him, not allowing him to fall on his knees. _“No No No.  Jongin’s healthy. You saw him Baek. Please”_   he begged and cried, he can’t for the sake of love and life, accept that his boyfriend’s gone.

_“I didn’t know, Kyungie. When I got there at your place, you and Jongin were both unconscious, we rushed you two to the hospital and then the doctor said Jongin’s still alive , he even operated on Jongin to try and save his life but it was too late and Jongin consented to be a heart donor for you. Jongin was brain dead and only machines were keeping him alive until you were ready to receive his heart”_   Baekhyun explained

Even his heart was heavy with this shit. He cried the whole time for Jongin and Kyungsoo, he went to the wake and burial in Kyungsoo’s stead. He never missed a day just like he never missed a day visiting Kyungsoo until he woke up. He couldn't thank Jongin enough but he hates the younger for leaving him to explain everything to Kyungsoo. 

_“He’s a match, the doctor said Jongin visted the hospital frequently not for his sake but to check if his heart was healthy and right for you. He told the doctor to let him go if there’s no brain activity but keep him alive so that they can give you his heart. He even banked blood for you, Kyungie. Please don’t put this all to waste, live for you and live for Jongin”_ Baekhyun says softly, soothing his best friend’s back to keep him from straining his heart even more.

_“His family is waiting for you at your house, tell me if you don’t want to see them, I’ll send them away”_   Baekhyun offered

_“Baek, Jongin”_ Kyungsoo broke down, he didn’t care that his heart was hurting, he wanted to cry and he wanted to shout.

Baekhyun finally let go of Kyungsoo, letting the younger fall into his knees but Baekhyun made sure to level with him. His heart hurts at the sight of Kyungsoo crying, begging and even trying to hold onto whatever Jongin left him. 

Baekhyun let out a sigh and he curses Jongin for doing this to Kyungie although, he thanks the younger for being too strong for Kyungsoo. _“I know. I know, Kyungie”_ Baekhyun says and hugs his best friend again. 

 

 

Kyungsoo cried more when he saw Jongin’s family, he apologized profusely for taking their Jongin. They hugged him back and told him that he’s already a son to them and Jongin told them to love him just like they loved the younger. They didn't blame him, they thanked him for loving Jongin and giving him happiness until the end. They were really grateful and that made Kyungsoo's heart hurt more. 

They didn’t stay for long, only Baekhyun because he didn’t want his best friend alone with two dogs and the loft reminding him of Jongin. Baekhyun knows that Jongin basically stayed here every day but Taemin said he still had to clear out Jongin’s place and give some of the things to his family as per his request.

Taemin left a box here, a box that’s now sitting on Kyungsoo’s couch, the couch he pushed that one night towards the window to watch a certain dancer dance his heart out.

_“Kyungie, I’ll be downstairs, just call me if you need anything”_ Baekhyun says, kissing the top of his head before he went down.

Pepper and Mint were circling around his feet so he pulled them up the couch and sets them down beside him. _‘Kyungsoo, do this for Jongin’_ he mutters before he took the box and places it on his lap.

He opened it and he frowned at its contents, Jongin’s laptop, a camera, car keys, the tin can of peppermints and a folded letter scribbled with Jongin's bad handwriting.

_“Soo, don’t get mad at me, I can explain, trust me._

_I love you_

_-Nini”_

He opened the tin can of peppermints and saw that it was new and that it only had blue mints inside them. He’s really going to get mad at Jongin one way or the other. He took out the laptop and booted up, hoping that it doesn’t contain a fucking last will. Kyungsoo can’t handle any more heart aches today or maybe ever.

He took the camera and found that the last preview was taken on Christmas day, it was Jongin’s performance that he couldn’t watch yet, because he remembered every bit of it and he wants to remember it that way for the mean time. The camera contained a few more of their photos and videos, with their friends or just them. Jongin always said that he wanted to be immortalize or he want to immortalize Kyungsoo.

When the laptop opened, he couldn’t help but smile at Jongin’s background wallpaper, it was a photo of their small family, Kyungsoo and Jongin with Pepper and Mint on their laps. Chanyeol took this picture during his birthday party here.

There was a sticky note opened and it says _‘There’s only one folder here if you think you can find receipts of me cheating on you, good luck. I leave this to you, Soo. This laptop is my life’_

Jongin wasn’t lying, there was only one folder and the storage was empty except for the contents of that folder. The folder name was **_Jonginnie’s gift for Soo_**. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but chuckle at the long name and the cheesiness of his boyfriend, he never failed to make the smallest things too cheesy. 

Inside the folder were folders labeled as:

**_Porn (Kyungsoo and Jongin)_ **

**_Videos (Jongin only)_ **

**_Pictures (asdjshgskdh)_ **

Kyungsoo snorted and opened the first folder, curious of what the hell Jongin means about this. When he opened it, he half yelled to see series of photos of himself, half dressed and some are when he just got out of the shower. There were no compromising photos except for the ones with Jongin where he was asleep and Jongin is hugging him close, it’s one of those after sex, aftermath.

There was a document inside the folder so he clicked on it. The document opened and he smiled at the header.

 

**_ALWAYS A PERVERT FOR ME, DO KYUNGSOO. THAT’S EXACTLY MY TYPE. I LOVE YOU, SEXY. (wink wink)_ **

 

_This is not where I’m going to come clean and tell you about my sob story, baby. Ask my parents or Taemin if you want that. The only thing you’ll get to read here was how much you made me feel alive and how grateful I am for that._

_Now, let me introduce you to **Nini’s Cause and Effect** (May or may have not stolen it from my boyfriend):_

 

  * **_Find out the name of the ~~dancing man,~~ man watching me across the street_**  
\- His name is Do Kyungsoo, an idol. He’s the love of my life and I may have pushed my luck by buzzing on his door that night just to see him close up. I love him.  
\- He’s small and I want to keep him inside my pocket.  
\- Okay maybe he’s small but he’s so intimidating, I love it and I’m surprised that maybe I enjoy a little punch coming from his small fists.  
\- Fuck. I'm going to fall deep in love with him.   
\- Too late, Kim Jongin, you're in this too deep. Fuck. Drown me with your love, Soo. I crave for it more than I crave for air.   
\- He's perfect. Do Kyungsoo is perfect. 


  * **_Get coffee every day, try out the different flavors  
_** \- I hate coffee but I’ve tasted them all because I kiss my boyfriend every day. Let’s just say he loves coffee. It still tastes like poison to me.


  * **_Call ~~Baekhyun~~ Taemin more often ~~(only to stop his loud mouth from yelling)~~ (only to stop him from going to my place)  
_**\- Taemin loves you, Kyungsoo for this list and for keeping me happy. He worries too much so please as much as possible, tell him not to worry and that I’m in a safe and happy place now. Also, I may have called Baekhyun a few times to satisfy your own list. He still hates that I get to be under you and moan like a bitch (Yes, I’ll stop cursing, baby)


  * **_Learn how to paint  
_** \- I learned it with my boyfriend, just because I wanted him to fuck me while painting and maybe paint me all the colors that he wants to. (It was so worth it)


  * **_Get drunk and a tattoo (Don’t get a tattoo sober)  
_** \- Thanks to my boyfriend, (DO KYUNGSOO) I’m leaving this place with three tattoos, two designed by him and his initials right on my ring finger. I want to marry him. I married him. It’s enough. I also told the tattoo artist to put my initials on my boyfriend’s pinky, it’s where our lives connect, pinky fingers hold the red thread, right?


  * **_Have sex  
_** \- Kyungsoo owns me. I told Taemin that I got fucked and he laughed at me. I don’t care, I loved it.  
\- It’s my first time and yet I was more than a whore for my boyfriend.


  * **_Have meaningful sex  
_** \- I love the way he looked at me, while he thrusts and touches me. His gaze burns me just like his touch. I know he wants to feel more too so I’m showing him how beautiful it feels, how wonderful and perfect it feels.  
\- I also love the cuddles that follow after all that sex. 


  * **_Have sex with person who I love  
_** \- Everyday isn’t enough. Kyungsoo is a bit adventurous too, at the staff room of my work place, the dance studio, the bathroom at the café and even the changing room of some boutique store that he endorses. I love him. I loved every single time we made love.  
\- I think when you wrote this, you were expecting different people but sorry, I’m crossing all of them at once. It’s different, out of this world and breathtaking whenever we touch. It’s like magic. 


  * **_Fall in love  
_** \- Here I am, staring at this man who’s sleeping next to me. He looks so peaceful, he never snores, he hates peppermint but he loves me so he tastes it from my mouth without complaints. My days start with him and my nights end with him, just the way I love it.  
\- I fall for Do Kyungsoo every single day and night, every second, every minute and every hour. His smile is perfect, his stupidly smooth hair that turns me on so much and the way his lips turn into a heart when he laughs. I love him.


  * **_Find the light in the dark_**  
\- I swear, my boyfriend has the toughest list and since I might have stolen it, it’s hard for me too. Light in the dark…  
\- That’s you Kyungsoo. I find your smile, your eyes and basically your whole being, a light to my dark life. I never had the chance to live, you know? I wasn’t like you who was careful, I faced each day with the intention of facing death headstrong.  
\- You came and I got scared. For once, I wanted something more, more time, more chances and more reasons to hang on for my life. You made me see the glint of hope that turned into a blinding light that gives me happiness.


  * **_Throw caution away  
_** \- Caution? What caution? We got married while we were drunk, baby. Throw away caution should've been the first thing we should’ve crossed off this list the moment we met each other.


  * **_Get three churro trucks and sing for fans, live and free  
_** \- This is a beautiful memory. Forever, I’ll keep in my heart. I’ve never went to my boyfriend’s concerts, I only watch the recorded videos but that day, he performed so well, without preparation, no make-up on (such a beautiful man and he’s mine) and just pure and raw talent. I also danced for him that day, just because I want him to see me, the performer me that I tried to hide.


  * **_Apologize to parents  
_** \- I did it Kyungsoo, I apologized to my parents for keeping them out of my life. They gave up on my treatment but they never gave up on me. Some part of them wants me to get treated but I know, there’s no more treating what I have. I apologized for being a bad son and I introduced another son to them, that’s you. Love them as much as they love you.  
\- You’re always a Kim, Soo.


  * **_Have kids (Cross every finger and toe)  
_** \- We have kids! A bunch of headaches but Pepper and Mint will love Kyungsoo the way I love him. They’ll never leave him alone.


  * **_Breathe again  
_** \- The moment I saw Kyungsoo, the air got knocked out of me but when I breathed again, it was refreshing. He was the reason why I found every reason to breathe and wake up each day.


  * **_Have a strong heart  
_** \- We did it, Soo. We both have a strong heart. My heart is strong and you deserve it. Feel me in you, let me keep us alive. Let me do all the work, all you have to do is enjoy it. I’ll always have you, Soo. I love you.


  * **_Lie to someone_**  
- Kyungsoo might’ve lied to me about his condition but I lied too. I've been keeping this a secret and now I’m coming clean.  
\- The peppermint tin cans that you look at with disgust, they’re my medicine. I take them every time my head hurts, usually morning and night but as the days went on, I take them more frequent. The blue ones are the mints. ( I got you new ones and Taemin will keep on giving them to you so you better learn how to love them)  
\- I’m scared. I’ve lied about this fact over and over again. I’m scared to let go of you. I’m scared you’d go while I’m sleeping or I’ll go without telling you everything. I’m scared, baby.  
\- I lied to Baekhyun and the doctor. I told them I registered our marriage but the truth is I couldn’t register it, not because I’m underage but because I don’t want to lock you with me. I want to but I can’t.  
\- I lied to you when I said that I got fired during Chanyeol’s birthday, it was just that the doctor called and told me that you’re not faring well during your last check-up. I hated that news.  
\- I lied to my parents about the papers needed to be signed. (I came clean about this don’t get mad) They know I’m giving you my heart.  
\- I’ve lied about loving you. Kyungsoo, I just don’t love you, my whole existence craves for you, just like my whole being wants to merge with yours.


  * **_Dance my heart out  
_** \- This is on-going, hopefully I make it. I’ll show you my routine, the perfect one. You’ve been watching me dance different ones and this time, I think I’m ready.  
\- Please tell me I did okay.



Kyungsoo’s heart faltered, he didn’t want to read more. This is too much. Too long and too painful for him but this is Jongin and his wishes. He wants to finish it. _“Jongin~ah, it’s perfect. It was beautiful. You were breathtaking”_ Kyungsoo whispered and patted his chest, feeling the pounding of Jongin’s heart.

  * **_Go to the beach  
_** \- Kyungsoo is ruthless and shameless but I love him. We made love at the beach and we got caught but that’s okay. I saw him dance at the shore and he was wonderful. He’s such an idol, a diva too like Byun Baekhyun.


  * **_Be someone’s strength  
_** \- You became my strength, Soo. I wake up every day pulling strength from you. I hope I also became your strength. I love you.


  * **_Make someone happy  
_** \- I’m more than happy so you can cross this off your list too, baby. I made you happy, right? If not, you can look at our Porn pictures more, go and be happy. I love you.


  * **_Make a mark_**  
\- What mark? Again, Kyungsoo hyung, you’re making this hard for me.  
\- Okay, maybe not. I think I got it.  
\- I made a mark. I am making a mark...It's not yet final but I hope it's going to be done.  
\- Not on my grave but that can be added.  
\- The mark I made is this… Everything that we’ve been doing, from February until the end. You’re my mark, Kyungsoo. My heart inside you and you alive. I love you so much.



_Now that you’ve finished my list, I want to say that I don’t regret anything, even lying. Please don’t treat my death as a sad and regretful one. I am happy and contented, more than ever. Those dance lessons, performances and even the stupid ice cream parlors that I loved never made me this happy. You’re my happiness, Soo so please don’t think of this as a bad thing._

_I’ve accepted my fate since I was young but I couldn’t accept that you gave up on yours. I couldn’t let go peacefully with knowing that you’d end up following me. You should live._

_This is where your story starts, because the beginning until now was mine. On how I fell and loved a man who gave me more than I deserve and in return, I gave him my whole heart just like he deserves._

_Every single day, remember me a little._

_The world deserves more of you, shine brightly and fly, my beautiful butterfly._

_I love you, you’ll feel my heart beating wildly for you._

**_Live, Do Kyungsoo._ **

**_Forever yours,  
_ ** _Kim Jong In, Nini._

 


	5. EPILOGUE

** 4 YEARS LATER **

****

_“And that was, Kim Kyungsoo!”_

Series of applause and cheers echoed the venue as Kyungsoo went backstage, he’s been performing as a Kim for 3 years now, he really took a year off after Jongin’s death. His agency tried to get him back but Kyungsoo couldn’t come back when he promised Jongin that he will only show his true self.

Baekhyun, Jongdae, Sehun and Chanyeol quit as well, the five of them started their own agency with only the five of them as the artists under it. Kyungsoo continued acting like Sehun learned to love it too. Baekhyun never left Kyungsoo’s side, even though they pursued solo careers, they still collaborated and Sehun, was the best one amongst the five of them.

The youngest learned Jongin’s choreography, he worked night and day at the dance studio and during their last concert as a group, he performed it as Kyungsoo sang. They dedicated it to Kyungsoo’s late husband and the younger’s best friend. He really felt a huge hole when Jongin died, he didn't expect that Jongin was going to be a constant to his life, updating him with his life with Kyungsoo and of course their dogs. 

Kyungsoo registered their marriage the first week after he read Jongin’s list. Jongin left a lot of things in his loft and he told Kyungsoo to get rid of them once he’s fine. Kyungsoo thinks that he’ll never be fine but now he’s learning that Jongin will be forever with him, Baekhyun made sure he remembers that every day.

_“You ready to go to our Jonginnie?”_ Baekhyun asks with a wide smile

Kyungsoo gave him a small smile and nodded. He cleared his things and let his manager take care of the rest. _“I’ll drive us”_   Baekhyun told Kyungsoo’s manager.

Kyungsoo kept the clothes that Jongin left because it’s comfortable, he gave up the others, including the laptop that he formatted after saving all of its contents to a hard drive that’s placed on his computer desk.

_“Yaaa, it’s Jongin’s what? 25th? I bought him a coffee-flavored cake”_ Baekhyun says lightly

They recently celebrated Kyungsoo’s 26th birthday and Jongin’s too, since they invited Kyungsoo’s new family, the Kims. It was a simple gathering but it was a warm one. Kyungsoo honestly didn't want to celebrate his but Jongin's family always came to visit him and to celebrate with him.

_“He hates that”_   Kyungsoo points out but he still carried the cake that Baekhyun handed him as they walked towards their car.

_“Well I still hate him for taking you, you know. All of you”_   Baekhyun retorts with a smug look on his face

Kyungsoo nudged his side with his elbow and pouted at him. _“That’s unfair, I’m yours now”_ he answers quietly

_“I know and I’m happy that I have you and maybe a little bit of Jongin”_ Baekhyun rolled his eyes and lightly punched Kyungsoo’s chest.

Kyungsoo lets out a soft chuckle and shook his head. _“I don’t know why but my heart knows how to react at you on its own”_   he points out

Ever since Baekhyun and he started to date it was like Jongin was teasing him by tugging on his heart. It confused Kyungsoo at first but then he remembers that Jongin was fond of Baekhyun too even after all the yelling and constant headbutting of the two guys.

_“That’s because Jongin taught it how to wary of me”_ Baekhyun snorts as they pulled out of the parking lot.

_“That’s true. Don’t yell at him today”_ Kyungsoo reminds him softly

_“I always yell at him, I’m not Baekhyun for nothing”_ Baekhyun answers lightly, making his boyfriend smile.

 

 

They stood hand in hand in front of Jongin’s grave. Kyungsoo, like the cheesy man that he is, decided that Jongin deserves more than a headstone, he had someone carve a stone figure of Jongin dancing, it was one of those steps that made him look as if he was flying. He had it placed behind Jongin’s headstone, it was as tall as Jongin and its arms were stretched out, just like the wings he has.

Baekhyun said that Kyungsoo was stupid for doing it, it was unnecessary but Kyungsoo doesn’t care, if heroes get statues then Jongin gets one too. No one could stop him once he decided on it. Taemin even teased him that he made Jongin into an angel even though the younger was the spawn of the devil. Kyungsoo replied that if Jongin was the spawn of the devil then he’s surely the devil’s incarnate.

_“Nini, how are you? Well that’s stupid since I know you’re well. Your heart is still beating loud and strong, just like how you want it. I’ve decided to lessen my visits since you wished for it, you told me to let go and I am. I will still be here every birthday and every Christmas morning, just like I promised”_ Kyungsoo said softly, patting Jongin's headstone.

It was a promise to Jongin, a promise to move on, have a wonderful life and live it to the fullest. He won't hold back now, he can't and it's for the sake of him and Jongin. 

_“Jongin, Jesus, stop the fuckery okay? Let me have sex with Kyungsoo without shocking him, I can’t even make out with him without worrying about his damn heart because you’re beating too strong. I know you like me and I love Kyungie through and through so please, try not to be an ass”_ Baekhyun snorted and tapped Jongin's headstone too.

He took a huge step while Kyungsoo was frowning at him  _“Baek”_   he said with a warning tone.

_“Kyungie, what do you want me to do? Talk to Jongin’s body? His soul is up in heaven and his heart is alive and beating well. I’d rather talk to him normally. Do you know the last thing he said to me?”_ he said bluntly

Kyungsoo looked confused for a second, he didn't even know the two spoke before everything happened. _“You never told me”_ he answered

_“It was Christmas morning, when you were busy cooking in our dorm house. He called me and said ‘Byun Baekhyun~ssi, give me back my husband now and promise me that you will take care of him forever just as I’m taking care of him’”_ Baekhyun said softly

Kyungsoo tilted his head to the side, utterly amused that Jongin demanded Baekhyun to give him back when he was the one who sent him away that time. _“That was the last thing that he said?”_ he asks

Baekhyun shook his head and gave his boyfriend a small smile. _“No. The last thing he said was ‘Soo loves you but he loves me more, if you can take both of us then I won’t yell at you anymore. You’re still an asshole so stop yelling at my boyfriend. Bye’ that was it. I didn’t think much of it then and I thought he was suggesting a threesome but now it makes perfect sense, he’s in you forever, Kyungie. His blood runs through your veins and his heart pumps to keep you alive and breathing. Jongin will forever be alive as long as we’re alive”_ Baekhyun says with a small sad smile on his lips.

Truthfully, if you ask Baekhyun, he'll say that he's more than contented in what he has now and he wouldn't have it any other way. That was a fact, a solid truth that he wants Kyungsoo to believe. 

_“I’m sorry”_ Kyungsoo said and lowered his head

Baekhyun reached out, putting his slender fingers under Kyungsoo's chin before he tilted it up so that their eyes meet _“Don’t apologize to me Kyungie. I can never do what Jongin did and I respect him because of that. He’s a happy little bastard that got to enjoy his life before he closed his book. That’s enough sulking, Jongin wouldn’t want that”_ he said firmly

Kyungsoo loves Baekhyun, the latter became the source of his laughter and smiles. He was the only one who dared to pull Kyungsoo out of bed and into the shower after Jongin died. He stayed even if Kyungsoo kept on throwing harsh words at him, he stayed even though Kyungsoo blamed him once or twice. Baekhyun stayed and that's why Kyungsoo knows that he wouldn't want to look for another.

_“I know”_ Kyungsoo answered

Baekhyun beamed at me, pulling him into a tight hug.  _“Great, then let’s go home and feed my step-sons”_ he said lightly before draping his arm over Kyungsoo's shoulders. 

_“You’re just my boyfriend, you know”_   Kyungsoo teases and because of that he received a hard smack on his ass from Byun Baekhyun

_“We’re living in together, you can marry me after I get back from my military service”_ Baekhyun answers lightly

Jongin would want him to be happy, he feels his heart flutters in contentment and everything felt good. He wants to wish another day with Jongin, just one day, just to thank him and show him how much he loves the younger. 

God knows how much Kyungsoo cried himself to sleep, looking at their photos, the videos and even just by smelling the scent of Jongin's clothes. The peppermint tin cans became a constant to him, true to his word, Jongin really gave Taemin money to supply peppermint candies to Kyungsoo. he never threw out the empty tin cans, he keeps them stacked on his work desk, a reminder that Jongin is and will always be with him. 

When it was hard, Kyungsoo tried to take his life, he found the peppermint tin can that Jongin tossed, that Christmas night. He found it full of tablets and peppermints that he took them all, swallowed them all and cried out loud, begging Jongin to take him only to see Baekhyun step inside the house, dragging him to the hospital and had the medications flushed out of system. 

It has been hard, it's still hard but that's what keeps him going. Knowing that Jongin would always, always want him to choose something that will make his heart sigh in contentment, something that can put a smile to his face and something that he will love, for life. 

**It would be beautiful they said.**

**Love is ~~beautiful~~.**

That statement bothered him for more than a year but it dawned on him. Yes, love is truly beautiful, it is perfect as far as the word goes but it's also painful, it's also treacherous and it's also giving. For the love that was gained, love that was lost and love that was given but never received, it'll be different and that's what makes a person grow, what makes a person human. 

Love, is indeed beautiful.

 

\----END----

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. I love you all. This is the end!


End file.
